How to Use a Strap-On: A Beginner’s Guide

Once upon a time, strap-on sex was perceived as being of interest to a limited group of sexually active adults, namely lesbians and the kink-inclined. It wasn’t that strap-ons could only satisfy these particular individuals, but that society at large was in the dark about strap-on dildos, let alone why or how to use them.

And then Dan Savage coined the phrase “pegging” in 2001 and interest from straight couples grew. By 2015, the widely popular TV show Broad City, aired a now-iconic episode in its second season wherein one of its main characters tries pegging. Suddenly, strap-on sex was thrust into the spotlight, and everyone and their mothers were frantically searching the web to fill their sexual knowledge gaps.

But even after entering mainstream conversations, many misconceptions and stereotypes remain regarding strap-ons and who uses them. Lovehoney says, “no more!” We’re here to clear the air on strap-on sex and educate the masses on the why and how of this spectacular sex act. Read on for everything you need to know about how to use a strap on.

What is a strap-on?

At their core, strap-ons are simply wearable dildos that the wearer can use to penetrate a partner or sex toy. Many use the term “strap-on” to refer to strap-on kits, meaning a harness and compatible dildo, but the word technically only describes the dildo. In fact, not all strap-ons even require a harness, such as the case with strapless strap-on dildos, which are held up by only the user’s body.

Harness-compatible strap-on dildos are characterized by wide circular bases that allow them to attach to an O-ring or another type of opening, like holes in harness briefs. Not all strap-ons are marketed as such, either. For example, many suction cup dildos can function as strap-ons, even if strap-on play isn’t the primary intent of their design.

There’s a wide variety of strap-on dildos on the market to suit different body types and needs, so it’s wise to do your research before making your first strap-on purchase to ensure yours is a good fit for both comfort and lifestyle (or perhaps, more accurately, sex style).

Why do people use strap-ons?

Though mainstream media typically only portrays vulva owners using strap-ons for pegging (anal penetration using a strap-on) or cis-gendered lesbian sex, folks across all gender identities, anatomy types, and relationship statuses can and do engage in strap-on play. Strap-ons can be used by any couple interested in exploring a range of sensations, sizes and positions for close contact penetrative play.

Pegging is a popular strap-on activity for cishet (cisgender and heterosexual) couples, but it’s certainly not the only one. Strap-on dildos are also a great tool for anyone wanting to explore double penetration (DP), various types of kink, or as an erectile dysfunction aid.

Strap-ons can also be used to explore gender and power dynamics in play by giving either partner the ability to pleasurably penetrate with a phallus.

Who are strap-ons for?

While it’s true that anyone can use a strap-on, the sex toy is more prevalent amongst certain demographics.

Strap-on play is more common in the LGBTQ+ community (with an emphasis on the L, B, and T), for instance. The BDSM scene, too, sees a lot of strap-on usage. There are even strap-on dildos designed with kink in mind, like ball gag/strap-on combos.

Strap-on dildos can also be helpful for those who want to bridge the size gap in their genitals, so to speak. People with smaller penises or larger vaginas may find strap-ons the perfect tool to better fill or be filled.

And then there are the sexual explorers eager to experience new or intense sensations like double penetration.

Who knows, even if you don’t fall under one of the above descriptors, strap-ons might be for you, too!

Because the types of people using strap-ons and their intentions for doing so vary greatly, it’s important to consider users’ body types and what purpose they want their strap-ons to serve when making purchasing decisions.

How to wear a strap-on

Proper strap-on application will depend on what type of strap-on dildo and harness (if any) you use, as well as your anatomy. For harnesses and other types of strap-on holders, you should first attach and secure your dildo to the garment before putting it on.

How to wear a strap-on

Proper strap-on application will depend on what type of strap-on dildo and harness (if any) you use, as well as your anatomy. For harnesses and other types of strap-on holders, you should first attach and secure your dildo to the garment before putting it on.

The most complicated strap-on holster to put on (only relative to how incredibly intuitive the other types are to wear) is the standard harness. After attaching your dildo to the harness, follow these four steps:

1. Loosen all straps so that the harness is large enough to step into.

2. Step into the harness one leg at a time and pull the garment up to your waist.

3. If you have a penis, place it in the appropriate opening below the dildo.

4. Fasten all harness straps to your fitting. The harness should be tight enough that it won’t fall down during use but not so tight that it causes discomfort.

For harness briefs, simply put them on like you would a regular pair of underwear.

Here’s how to use a strapless strap-on dildo:

1. Liberally apply a compatible lubricant to the wearer’s insertable portion of the dildo and your vaginal opening.

2. Insert the wearer’s portion into your vagina and adjust the position until it feels comfortable.

3. Squeeze those P.C. muscles and thrust away!

How to use a strap-on dildo

New to strap-on play? Follow these handy tips on how to have sex with a strap-on.

How to choose a strap-on dildo

Considering the wealth of available strap-on dildo styles out there, it’s a good idea to make a list of qualities you want (and don’t want) in your toy before you browse. And always consider your and your partner’s body types and what purpose you want the strap-on to serve in your sex life in your decision-making!

Size is an understandably significant component in strap-on dildo choices, both in terms of length and girth. The receiver’s experience level and preferences are, of course, major factors, but size will impact the wearer, too. First-time strap-on wearers may want to start off with a smaller dildo as they’re easier to wield and move up the size ranks as their strap skills grow. Another aspect of size to consider that’s specific to strap-on play is the width of a dildo’s base - check the measurements and compare them to your harness to make sure it will fit.

Next up on your strap-on feature checklist is material and firmness. Your dildo should be hard enough for penetration but not too heavy. Avoid using glass or metal dildos for strap-on sex, as their weight can damage your harness and complicate movement for the wearer. Rubber and firm gel dildos are popular choices for strap-ons as they can provide a realistic feel and aren’t a hassle to operate.

Once you’ve got the main details figured out, you can move on to more fun features like the design to add to your experience. Realism and color are substantial dildo deciding points for many - trans men and people with DP fantasies may appreciate something anatomical and flesh-toned, while lesbians might prefer nonrepresentational dildos in black or funky hues.

Extra tips for using a strap-on

Try wearing the strap-on before using it for sex

Strap-on play will go smoother if you’re already familiar with how it feels to wear and wield one. Do a bit of experimentation on your own before using your strap-on with a partner for pressure-free learning. Start by simply wearing your strap-on dildo around your home while doing chores to get used to the feeling of it on your body. You can then progress to simulating partnered sex with a stroker or your hand to practice your stroke game.

Watch videos of people using strap-ons

If you’re having trouble wrapping your head around how to use a strap-on, seeing it in action might better your understanding. Grab some popcorn, head to your favorite ethical porn website, find a few strap-on scenes, and sit back and take notes! You may want to pay attention to how the wearer moves, both alone and in relation to their partner, as well as what positions look fun to try.

Strap-on pros, too, can benefit from visual learning. A stellar porno just may teach you a few strap-on techniques and tricks yet to be up your sleeve (or on your strap).

Bring other toys into the mix

If you’re looking to intensify your experience, try adding other sex toys to your strap-on sexcapades. If the strap-on wearer is a vulva owner, they might enjoy a stimulating dildo cushion like the Bumpher. Or you can easily transform a standard strap-on dildo into a vibrator by placing a vibrating cock ring on it or a bullet vibrator inside of it if your dildo is hollow. In fact, almost any couple’s sex toy that can be worn on a penis will work for strap-on dildos, such as textured penis sleeves that let you vary up sensations.

And don’t forget about anal and nipple toys that both or either party can wear during strap-on play!

Keep it clean!

Cleaning your sex toys before and after each use is essential to their longevity and your (and your partner’s!) health. Research care instructions for your strap-on dildo’s materials and stick to them. Soap and warm water can suffice in certain instances, but you’re better off using a cleaning product meant specifically for sex toys like Lovehoney Fresh Toy Cleaner. Some toys can even be boiled or placed in the dishwasher for a deep cleaning!

Cleaning is also a must when switching from anal play to vaginal or oral sex. Keeping sex toy cleaner wipes in your bedside table like Lovehoney Fresh Biodegradable Sex Toy Wipes is a quick and easy way to stay hygienic without taking too long of a break from your strap-on fun.