The 101 Funniest Searches on our Sex Toy Website

by Cecile

on Mar 7, 2018

funny lovehoney site searches

There have been 6.9 million unique searches on in the past year.

Most of the words that are typed into the search box at the top of our site are pretty straightforward - cock rings, vibrators and all the other types of sex toy we sell.

And when customers type in a phrase, we try to present them with the product or page they're looking for. Simple.

But! Some of the searches are not quite what you'd expect...

"Anal cockroach"?

Sorry, we don't have a page for that!

Or any of the below, which are just some of the 101 funniest, weirdest, and 'whoops you're on the wrong website' searches we found.

Typos and auto-correct fails...

1. make your duck longer

2. election enhancer

3. cockfosters extension

4. pension extender

5. masterbakers for male

6. master storyteller sleeves

7. prostate lasagne


lovehoney site search

9. extra quiet clitoris

10. quiet rabbi

11. g spotify

12. large g snot rabbit

13. vibe eating butt plug

14. king clock dildo

15. breaded dildo

16. jelly bilbaos

17. rubber dodos

18. nipped pasty

19. nipple gardening cream

20. or gasman creams

21. pies for woman to get horny

22. parents ribbed and dotted

23. bondage ape


lovehoney site search

25. clint clamp

26. sexist enhancer

27. £3 sex tits

Someone had the Sex Toys Blues...

28. argue dildo

29. be warned balls

30. begging set

31. bitterly kiss

32. bleak lace lingerie

33. blue worthless knickers

34. fifty shades of greed

35. cock extinction

36. fleshlight insults

37. Handcoffins

38. hate based lubricant

39. male sick vibrator

40. male wasterbators

41. vaginal fighting cream


lovehoney site search

43. very berating pants

44. misery bundle

45. pensive sleeve

46. performance kills

47. remorse egg

48. repent rabbit

49. undead wear

50. ruthless panties

51. sorry panties

52. worthless dispenser panties

We do NOT sell these...

53. bishop vibrator

54. barman vibrator

55. cricket vibe

56. turnip vibrator


lovehoney site search

58. vibrators with noodles

59. bike saddle dildo

60. pogo stick dildo

61. glasses with testicals snaped to them

62. Darth vader condom

63. extra sting condoms

64. pickled onion condoms

65. chicken tikka masala condoms

66. lovehoney wine

67. extra wine vibrator

68. make-up sperm coconut


lovehoney site search

70. Love twiglets

71. family guy sex doll

72. Japanese dancing pants

73. loyal pyjamas

74. machine guns

Going somewhere? You were in the wrong tab...

75. gloucestershire bus timetables

76. london to whitehaven train times

77. meeting point in bangkok airport

78. walking trails in east falmouth

79. bike rack inside caravan

80. staying in a hotel in alton towers

81. is drinking allowed on coaches

82. parrot sale in india

83. North Korea

Sorry, we are not a grocery store...

84. andrex supreme quilts toilet roll tissue paper

85. fairy non bio pods sensitive skin washing capsules

86. gaviscon double action mint tablets

87. roasted cauliflower with parmesan cheese

88. serrano ham

89. Ragu

90. Absinthe

Just plain weird...

91. Peter from gravesend - timewaster

92. hide your drink in bra

93. mild penis

94. mild vagina

95. outpouring vegan

96. room of priests

97. scrotal parachute

98. the loo of love

99. Wednesday

100. Dave

And finally this person, who really knows what they want...

101. a silicone butt plug for beginer one my wife can leave in her ass n get on with housework shaped without risk of it falling out

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Written by Cecile. Lovehoney Editorial Team

Covering everything knickers and bras

Originally published on Mar 7, 2018. Updated on Aug 5, 2020