The 5 Love Languages: How an Online Quiz Can Enhance Your Sex Life
I recently found an old copy of Gary Chapman’s ‘The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate’.
The pages are yellowed and some of the content is outdated, but overall it’s not a very sexy book.
But just like any sex/relationship books I own, I like to see how things have changed over time (this book is almost 20 years old) and if any concepts can be applied to modern relationships.
This book screams companionship and marriage issues, but I’m on a mission to steam it up and see how it can help in the bedroom.
Gaz, I think you’re onto something – let’s do this together.
Chapman’s idea is that love can be communicated in five different ways, and that knowing what you or your partner’s ‘languages’ are can be the key to a successful relationship.
All of the languages are important, but we all appreciate some things more than others.
Does your heart nearly burst if your partner leaves a cute note for you but them washing up after dinner is a bit more ‘oh thanks!’? This is why, lovers, and I think this can apply to your sex life too...
Here are the five love languages Chapman noted, how he describes them, and my sexplanation of them.
Words of Affirmation
What you say and how you say it: it’s all about delivering compliments, appreciation and encouragement to your partner.
This one’s pretty self explanatory. Words. Whispered, spoken or even shouted, if you or your sex-pal craves them, roll out those compliments.
‘I love how your body looks in this position’, ‘It felt so good when you…’, and ‘What you’re doing feels amazing’, are all great ways to compliment your lover.
Giving your partner your undivided attention. I think now that most of us are phone addicts, this is more important than ever.
Having lengthy conversations, going out to dinner or on a walk together, look each other in the eye and talk.
This time is yours and your partner(s), and it's going to be sexplosive. Set the mood and make the space that you'll be bonking in, beautiful.
Set the lighting to your/their liking, put some music on, make it smell delicious with a candle or a scented massage oil and most importantly, put your phone on airplane mode so there are no interruptions.
Look each other in the eye, take notice of each other's bodies and be present in the moment.
Gifts are a symbol of love and thought, something you can hold in your hand and think 'they were thinking of me'.
Gifts can be bought, found or made and do not necessarily need to cost money.
The obvious answer here is to buy new toys or products for the bedroom. A new lube, vibrator, butt plug, anything.
Take a look at the Lovehoney website and you'll see a world of options for you and/or your partner.
We have a wish list feature that's shareable, too!
If you're on a tight budget, a spend-free way to give is by looking into a new position to try and bringing the idea into the bedroom as your 'gift'.
Acts of Service
Express your love by doing things you know your partner would like you to do.
Do things/perform acts that you know your partner likes by asking them or remembering past experiences, e.g. massages, oral sex, anal play, etc.
This one is personal and it's all down to you and your communication skills. Most importantly, there is no pressure to do anything that you don't want to do.
Holding hands, kissing, embracing, massages and intercourse are all ways of communicating love physically.
During sex, you might already be touching in some way or another but there might be other ways to touch that could feel more intimate or loving to the other person.
Make sure to touch parts of your partner's body that aren't the usual go-to.
Caress their face, sweep your hand across their chest/collar bones or place your hand(s) on their waist/lower back.
There are also plenty of ways that the love languages can be intertwined.
For example, you could give your partner a massage oil to spend time massaging them as an act of service and because you want to touch them! Boom, four in one.
You can find out what your love languages are for free online, and get your partner to do the same.
Have a chat about your results and use some examples from this post to introduce them to your sex life.
Soon, you'll be mastering languages in every aspect of your love life.
Have fun, lovers!
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Eleni Gabrielides is a communications student from Sydney. Her favourite topics to communicate are sexual health, gender and sexuality; she spends her time smashing taboo topics everywhere she goes.
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