Lovehoney Sex Expert Interview: Dr Patti Britton
Patti Britton, PhD, is the Pioneer of Sex Coaching and has been a leader in the field of sexology with an emphasis on sexual enhancement for 35 years. She is a Master Certified Sex Coach, Clinical Sexologist, Co-Founder of SexCoachU.com, and author of The Art of Sex Coaching: Expanding Your Practice plus four other books.
Dr. Patti earned a PhD and Masters in Public Health, both in Human Sexuality. She's the host of 40+ DVDs for couples' sexual enhancement, has made appearances on over 200 television shows, and has been the featured guest on over 200 interviews for live talk and news radio.
She's a frequent expert for print media, including Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, Women's Health, Glamour, Men's Fitness, and WebMD. She has chaired approximately 30 doctoral dissertations and serves as the expert chair/reader for doctoral candidates at The Chicago School of Professional Psychology, Saybrook, and Pacifica Graduate Institutes.
Dr. Patti has a private practice in the Los Angeles area and leads couples' workshops and international professional training intensives each year and is also faculty at California Institute of Integral Studies.
Find out more about her work at drpattibritton.com/.
1. How can incorporating toys into the bedroom help strengthen and increase the level of play in a couple's sex life?
I see pleasure products as necessities, not add-ons, to couples' sexual enhancement. They assist where the human-only approach has failed in many ways.
For example: they help single men find satisfaction and gain skills for sexual finesse and pleasure alone or with a partner, and they assist women who are pre-orgasmic or who suffer with orgasmic difficulties.
I teach men that solo sex is often a healthy outlet for sexual desire, and that using toys can enrich the experience.
It can also allow both men and women to explore the sexual anatomy, find the best routes to sexual fulfillment, and learn how to emphasize the element of play, taking sex out of the realm of "Let's work at it" to "Let's play with it."
I am the celebrant of sexual pleasure as a divine birthright!
2. What are some of your very best practical tips to help couples fully express themselves to each other sexually?
Give yourself permission to explore, adventure, and change it up. Do something new and different at least once a week, but also learn your partner's pleasure pathways (what turns them on or off, etc.).
The brain becomes activated for high dopamine response (the excitement department of the human brain), by adding in variety and surprise. SSDD (Same Stuff Different Day) is a killer of sexual desire. Then again, there are certain 'grooves' that a couple can discover to propel them to enjoy mutually satisfying sexual experiences.
Let go of judgment. Do not judge if your partner "needs" a clit stimulator, for example, to rub or buzz against her clitoral head while you are providing oral pleasure.
Or, for example, if you are not feeling the girth of his penis, and want to try putting something on to add sensation during penetrative sex.
Any of the array of pleasure products today can be the saving grace to rescue a failing sexual duo.
One key to success for incorporating pleasure products into sex play is to view the product as a friend, not a foe. It's a partner's best helper!
3. Tell us more about Sex Coach U and what pioneering sex coaching has been like for you!
I co-founded Sex Coach University, along with my late partner Dr. Robert Dunlap, fellow sexologist and award-winning documentary filmmaker. Our vision was our combined passion: to train professionals around the world to do what I do as a board-certified Clinical Sexologist and as the Pioneer of Sex Coaching.
That vision also included the goal of changing the world to a more sex positive and accepting place by providing the types of training opportunities that really have a positive impact on the state of sex in the world.
Our mission was, and remains, to train people who feel a special calling to do this healing, clinical work as competent, qualified, caring, compassionate professionals who agree to uphold the global ethical standards of care established by the World Association of Sex Coaches for this depth of work that each of us does as a Certified Sex Coach™.
Since the inception of this new profession over 25 years ago, as a derivative of sexology and the "how" of coaching methodologies, we founded Sex Coach U as the global, go-to, premier, "original" sex coach training organization. Sex Coach U provides the necessary knowledge, skills, and transformational education for our students in over 60 countries, to serve the needs of their clients.
My book, The Art of Sex Coaching: Expanding Your Practice, published in 2005, remains the gold standard training manual for how to be a sex coach. I cannot imagine anything else that could evoke my true passion these days than to keep elevating our profession as respected Certified Sex Coaches™.
It is my joy to leave behind my legacy of helping people reach their own pinnacle of Sexual Self Realization.
4. How can couples overcome shame around sexuality together and how can they best support each other through the process?
Often it's doing the hard work of self-healing, which may require a professional sex coach by your side. The World Association of Sex Coaches has rigorous standards for acceptance in the online Find a Sex Coach directory of qualified pros - check it out!
Be judicious in whom you choose to work with. Make sure that they support what is and what can be, and are trained and effective at informed, comprehensive, pro-sex, shame-busting techniques.
Techniques may include options such as forgiveness and self-forgiveness processes, good coaching and/or therapy, healing the past and creating your future with positive intention, focused attention, and a spirit of appreciation.
Support comes from trusting yourself first, then your partner, honesty, open communication, liking the person, knowing how to communicate when one does not like the behavior, being tolerant, looking for what works instead of what's not working, focusing on what you want, not what's not there, and being generous in heart, touch, and spirit.
Honor your beloved partner every day!
5. What's your very favorite bedroom advice to give couples?
Life is short! Don't put off what you dream about having, being or doing until later on, especially in terms of thriving within your sexual relationship. Embrace the sacred in everyday, treasure what you have, find gratitude where you least expect it, and celebrate your sexual self.
Oh, and an orgasm a day is good medicine!
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