Lovehoney Sex Expert Interview: Ducky DooLittle
Ducky DooLittle is a pleasure-based sex educator and the author of Sex With The Lights On: 200 Illuminating Sex Questions Answered.
Beyond pleasure-based sex ed, Ducky is also a sexual assault and violence intervention counselor.
Her YouTube videos have attracted more than 1.5 million viewers and her press appearances include HBO's Real Sex, The Morning Show, MTV, NPR, The Howard Stern Show, and Playboy TV.
Talk to us about the link between sexuality and emotional intelligence. What do people most need to know about being emotionally healthy and how it impacts having a healthy sex life?
I always say a problem with your sex life is never a problem with your sex life, it's a symptom of a greater issue.
The issues that so often impact our sexuality can exist in our relationship, our emotional wellness, or our physical wellness. And of course, issues are often compounded. So if your sex life is suffering, you need to pull back, take a wide lens view and assess where the problem lies.
I believe great lovers have a lot of things going for them. They listen to their instincts – their animalistic urges that live in the limbic region of the brain.
Emotionally sophisticated lovers are also well connected to their cortex, the area of the brain that speaks to us in words. The cortex is where we have those inner conversations where we sort ideas and thoughts, and where we can change the inner conversation at will and invite positive or negative feelings into our bodies and minds.
Add to that, great lovers seek to give as well as receive pleasure. They learn how to give by being good listeners and staying curious in life. Roll all that up into one person and you have one hyper-sexy, throbbing-hot human being!
How can incorporating toys into the bedroom help strengthen and increase the level of play in a couple's sex life?
Sex toys are tools! I think they work to our advantage in so many ways. Shopping for toys together can help people explore compatibilities. Trying toys together can expand orgasmic possibilities. Using toys on a regular basis can reduce stress and alleviate performance anxiety.
What are some of your favorite toys and pleasure products to recommend to couples who are looking to explore and experiment together?
Favorite? That's a hard question to answer. People's tastes vary greatly and that's why Lovehoney has such a vast catalog! So I'll flip this question and give you an example of items that would make a perfect evening for me...
I'd start with a well-fitting, soft, seductive outfit like the Seduce Me Push-Up Basque Set (available in sizes 2-12 and 14-24). I'm kinky, so I would pair that with a Sportsheets Neck and Wrist Restraint and some Soft Bondage Rope.
This restraint system is so versatile. You can bind the torso beautifully with just some simple knots, restrain the wrists, do hair bondage, or even hogtie a lover with ease! (Lovehoney: make sure you read our bondage safety guide and tips on rope bondage before you try any kind of rope bondage or restraint play).
Once bound, I think I'd go for a deep, forced orgasm using my favorite Womanizer Smart Silence Clitoral Stimulator and/or my rechargeable massage wand. I am addicted to both of these toys. And others! They call me a 'Professional Sex Toy Enthusiast' for good reason.
What are some of your very best tips to help couples fully express themselves to each other sexually?
Be vulnerable. Get really honest. Be generous in and out of sex play. Ask for what you want. Express your needs and limitations. Listen to your lover with your whole heart. Safer sex and getting tested for STIs is an expression of self-care and respect for yourself and others.
What's your favorite bedroom advice to give?
It's easier than one might expect to find yourself in a bad relationship. If the person who is supposed to love you more than anyone else in the world disrespects or mistreats you, dump them.
Be brave. Be calculating. Open yourself up to the love and respect you deserve. It may not be racy advice, but great sex is rooted in respect.
To find out more about Ducky's work, visit sextoyradio.com.
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