6 Reasons to Spend More Time on Foreplay

on Mar 5, 2019

Even if we don’t like to admit it, lots of people still think of foreplay as the process leading up to the ‘main event’ of penetration – and the male orgasm. Foreplay is considered expendable, a luxury that can be enjoyed on a lazy Sunday afternoon but is often omitted during a weekday quickie.

Not only is this attitude towards foreplay old-fashioned, but it’s also overly heteronormative. There’s nothing wrong with a quickie, but I think it’s time that we acknowledge the importance of foreplay and stop considering it ‘lesser’ than penetrative sex.

As a big believer in the importance of foreplay, here are my 6 reasons why we should all be focusing less on the big O and more on the big F.

1. It’s amazing

I’m stating the obvious, but it’s true! Foreplay can include all the best parts of sex – kissing, teasing, touching, oral… all the stuff that makes you feel tingly.

According to one study, only 25% of people with vaginas orgasm from penetrative sex alone, so foreplay is when most of us are likely to get our fireworks.

Rushing through foreplay means that you’re likely to miss out on pleasure and orgasms, so it’s worth slowing down and taking the time to really enjoy it.

2. It gets you ready for penetrative sex

For hetero couples, ‘penis in vagina’ shouldn’t always be the end goal of sex, but a good amount of foreplay can make it even more pleasurable. Spending more time on foreplay means you’ll be ‘all systems go’ when it comes to penetration.

As well as helping with lubrication and maintaining erections, foreplay helps your muscles relax for vaginal or anal sex, making it more pleasurable for all.

3. It increases feelings of intimacy

Foreplay is often the most intimate part of sex. Spending time caressing and exploring your partner’s body makes them feel desired and attractive. Everyone loves feeling good about themselves so this can lead to heightened arousal for all.

Whether you’re with a long-term partner, a friend-with-benefits or a casual hook-up, the feelings of intimacy that come from a good, long foreplay session can do wonders for the sex.

4. It reduces stress

Oxytocin (also known as the 'cuddle hormone') is released during sexual activity. Foreplay has a calming effect as the oxytocin reduces levels of the stress-producing hormone, cortisol.

By engaging in a lot of foreplay, you’re making sure that you and your partner are not only physically in the mood but also mentally there.

When you spend more time on foreplay, you’re allowing you and your partner to leave behind the anxieties and worries of the day to focus on pleasure.

5. It builds up the anticipation

A lengthy foreplay session, especially if there’s a lot of teasing and edging involved, is a great way of building up the sexual tension.

Taking more time than usual to kiss your partner and remove their clothes will have them craving your touch and make it even more pleasurable when they finally get it.

6. It’s an opportunity to experiment

We all know how easy it is to fall into a formulaic foreplay routine, like the ones we see in porn.

However, foreplay is the ideal time to experiment with a new toy, practise your dirty talk, or try out a sex game.

By dedicating more time to foreplay, you’re giving yourself more opportunity to explore new experiences and sensations, rather than just focusing on the genitals.

Use this time to explore what really gets your partner going, and to have some fun – put the ‘play’ back into foreplay!

So, I think we should all turn foreplay into more-play (sorry, couldn’t resist the pun). As well as making sex more pleasurable for everyone, it can have emotional benefits such as reducing stress and increasing intimacy in your relationship.

Ignore anyone who says that you can have too much of a good thing: foreplay is always the exception.

Cara is a student blogger for Lovehoney. She studies English and appreciates grammatically correct erotica written in the active voice.

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Written by Guest.

Originally published on Mar 5, 2019. Updated on Aug 5, 2020