How to Introduce Anal Sex Toys to Your Relationship

by Lovehoney

on May 1, 2017

Lots of people enjoy anal play as part of their sex lives, but the anus is still an undiscovered erogenous zone for many.

The anus is packed with sensitive nerve endings, and anal play can enhance all manner of sexual scenarios.

Anal sex toys are specially designed products for anal penetration, and are often tapered for easy insertion, flaring out or swelling in size to stimulate those internal pleasure zones.

How do I bring up the subject with a partner?

Couple Sex

Good sex is all about communication, so it might be a good idea to talk about what you want to do before you do it.

Talk about anal sex toys or anal play when you're not in the bedroom - that way there's no pressure on either partner. Be honest, say why you're interested and listen to what your partner has to say, too.

A great way to start the conversation is to look at beginner's anal toys together, rather than going full speed ahead with a rusty trombone (which is where one partner rims the anus using their mouth while stimulating the penis with their hands).

Do anal sex toys hurt?

With proper preparation and slow progression, anal play should never hurt. In fact, it can be a completely new (and potentially more intense) way to climax.

The sphincter muscle ring is rich in nerve endings and welcomes gentle stimulation from fingers, tongues or toys.

The perineum, just beneath the anal opening, also appreciates soft and sensual stimulation. Try running anal beads over the perineum as part of a sensual massage or exploring the area with your fingers, lips or tongue.

Unlike the vagina, the anus does not self-lubricate, so lube is essential when exploring any kind of anal penetration. We recommend using a water-based anal lube. Water-based anal lube is compatible with all sex toys and condoms, and thicker and longer lasting than regular lube.

How do I know if I'm clean?


It doesn't take a genius to work out why anal exploration takes a little extra prep to make sure you're clean.

But being clean isn't just for hygeine and a common courtesy for a partner. Knowing that you're squeaky clean down below helps you (as the receiver) relax, and enjoy the experience more, too.

For most people, this means making sure you've been to the toilet that day, and cleaning externally in the bath or shower.

For those who'd like to take extra precautions, you may like to use an anal douche. A douche gently deposits water into the rectal passage, removing any compacted faeces as gravity does its thing and draws the water back out of you.

Read More: How to Use an Anal Douche

Don't skip your warm-ups

Butt Plugs

Warming up for anal play means starting with shallow penetration before moving on to something larger and deeper, if you want to.

Start with external play, stroking around the anus with a well-lubed finger, or try a little rimming. When you're ready for penetration, use that same well-lubed finger to slowly and gently explore.

This helps relax your anal muscles and get them ready for penetration, should you decide to move on to something larger, like a toy.

Which brings us to the next step... toys!

Which are the best beginner's anal sex toys, and how do I use them?

Anal Beads

Anal Beads

Anal beads are more beginner-friendly than larger insertable toys, so they are a great place to start if you’re new to anal play. The Lovehoney Classic Silicone Anal Beads are graduated in size allowing you to take as much, or as little, as you like.

Lubricate your bottom and your anal beads with water-based anal lubricant, then gently push the first bead inside you. You can then ‘pop’ each bead in slowly until you’ve taken as much as you are comfortable with.

Anal beads feel fantastic when left in during intercourse or masturbation, and can be pulled out during orgasm to intensify the sensations.

Read More: How to Use Anal Beads

Butt Plugs

Butt Plugs

Designed to sit internally and stay in place for long-term stimulation, butt plugs usually have a tapered head, a wide body and a slim neck with flared base, allowing them to remain in place during foreplay, sex or whatever else you're doing.

Apply plenty of anal lubricant to the butt plug and your butt, then ease the tip in slowly. As this is the slimmest part of the plug, you may struggle to get it in at first, but angling it towards your stomach will make it much easier. Gently insert more of the butt plug until you have reached the slim neck. You can then keep your plug in place or use it alongside other forms of stimulation.

Many people like to use a butt plug, such as the BASICS Slimline Butt Plug or the Lovehoney Classic Silicone Extra Petite Beginner's Butt Plug, just before anal intercourse, as it will gently stretch them and make penetration easier.

Anal Dildos

Anal Dildos

Anal dildos allow you to experience the thrusting fun of anal sex at your own speed and depth.

Like all sex toys, anal dildos are available in lots of different shapes and sizes, but it's best to start with something small, like the Lovehoney BASICS Realistic Anal Prober.

Once your sex toy and the opening of your anus are well lubricated, position your body so that the anal dildo can slide in with ease. Angling your body will ensure the dildo stimulates all the right places, too.

After anal play

Fresh Wipes

If you've climaxed whilst wearing an anal toy (particularly a butt plug) the muscles in this area will have just contracted.

This means you'll need to wait a moment or two to allow the muscles to relax again before removing your toy.

You may find that adding a drop of anal lube helps your toy slide out more easily.

If you've prepared properly and have been to the toilet prior to play, then it's extremely unlikely that you'll encounter any mess, but if you do, just give yourself and your toy a good clean with Lovehoney Fresh Biodegradable Sex Toy Body Wipes.

So, what's next?

Bumper Booty Bundle

If you enjoyed your first experience with anal sex toys, then why not consider going slightly larger, or adding vibrations? The Lovehoney Butt Tingler 10 Function Vibrating Butt Plug not only has added vibrations, but its slightly larger size will give you that satisfying stretched sensation. Just remember to use plenty of lube.

Anal play and anal penetration don't need to lead to anal sex - just do what feels comfortable for you, and have fun experimenting with different sensations at your own pace.

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Available products featured: Lovehoney Beginner's Anal Beads, Lovehoney Bionic Bullet Beaded Anal Wand Vibrator

Need more help?

You can Contact Customer Care, who will be able to help you find the perfect anal sex toy. You can email, telephone or live chat to an experienced advisor 24/7.

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Written by Lovehoney. For collaborative posts between Lovehoney team members and guest authors
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Originally published on May 1, 2017. Updated on Aug 5, 2020