Look Inside a Swinger's Box of Tricks

by Guest

on May 17, 2013

My Name is Karen… and I'm a Swinger

My name is Karen. I am a mother in my 30's in a committed relationship and I am a swinger.

I know the word swinger brings all sorts of things to mind. Swinging may not be something that is the majority, but I have met swingers from all walks of life: doctors, nurses, real estate agents, IT geeks, retail workers, hairstylists, HR staff, engineers, convenience store workers… you name it.

Swinging is consensual sex with others with permission while being in a committed relationship.

Swinging is not cheating. Swinging is not like polyamory.

There are no emotional entanglements when we hook-up with others outside of the relationship. It is just sex.

Guest post by Karen Blue

My partner, Miguel, and I started in the swinger lifestyle right away in our relationship. Honest communication is something that goes hand in hand with successful swinging. My partner and I have both been in chatty relationships in the past where cheating ruined everything. We both feel wanting someone else outside of the relationship sexually is something that is part of being human. The concept of sharing sex itself wasn’t new, just the title. I like to think before Miguel, I was a sometimes swinger. I had threesomes before. I enjoyed the thrill of getting caught, and being watched. I had even had sex with others in the room. For me this was just the next step. Swinging, for me, is being intimate with someone else while my partner watches, and enjoying him enjoying sex with someone else while I watch. The swinging lifestyle has been a way for us to broaden our sexual horizons while enjoying a deeper commitment to each other. We have been in this lifestyle for about four years. We play together or not at all. Real intimacy comes, for us, with the sharing of ourselves.

I don’t care to know the whole psychology of it. I just know it works for us. I don’t want to sound like an apologetic swinger. I love our lifestyle. Sexual openness comes with the territory. I am also bi-sexual. I have had the good fortune of being in a situation where I get to explore my sexuality and my preferences for sensation and variety of sexual play, within a relationship that allows freedom. I have also had the good fortune of living in an age where finding toys for sexual pleasure is easy.

Bag of TricksRight away in this lifestyle I knew I wanted to share my sex toys. I had a few bullets vibrators. Bullets were easy to share since the ones I owned were waterproof and easy to clean. I also found myself needed a good strap on. Our first year of swinging, I went through two strap-on harnesses and a large variety of dildos. Not all toys are created equal. I learned that really quickly. I learned all about materials and safe sharing. The best materials for safe sharing are made of silicone, glass, metal or plastic. These materials are easy to clean and do not harbor bacteria. I usually use a spray on sex toy cleaner for my toys. Some toys can be bleached and boiled to sanitize. I use condoms on my toys as a last resort. I never share directly during play without taking the time to clean first.

I don’t always share my toys. I invested in a nice travel-sized toy box for when I think they might come in handy. Also, once I tell potential playmates about my toy collection, they always want to see a sample. There are thousands of toys on the market. I love explaining textures and ways to play with toys, demonstrating has perks too. I try to explain to playmates that you don’t have to have a lot of money to own a variety of toys. Just be mindful of materials and read the reviews of others who have tried things before. It also helps a lot to have a 100 day warranty behind what you buy.

This box includes a variety of condoms, an elastic harness, a LELO Ina 2, two RodeoH harnesses, the Hitachi, Tantus Echo, Tantus Tsunami, Key Charms Silk, Tracey Cox Supersex Bullet, Lovehoney Flash USB, LELO Mia, Jimmy Jane Form 2, a Tantus Bullet , the Captain, the Rippler, 2 random glass wands, a bag of sample lubricants, Pink Water-Based lube, the Fuze Wilde, and a Fun Factory UFO.

This is just a little sample, but it gives people a good idea. Also, it gives me the chance to talk about materials and styles of toys with potential playmates. Sharing my love for sex toys and swinging, I get the best of both worlds.

About Karen Blue

Kissin Blue KarenKaren Blue is a blogger who resides in sunny Florida. Her blog includes advice about the swinger lifestyle and real swinger stories. She and her lover are very active in the swinger lifestyle and she reviews sex toys for her blog in her 'spare' time. She is an US Army veteran, a professional in her vanilla life, and the mother of four. Karen Blue blogs at hedovibes.com.


Written by Guest.

Originally published on May 17, 2013. Updated on Aug 5, 2020