We’ve all had mindless sex at some point. I’m talking about the drift into mind-wandering that can happen during some of our greatest pleasures, consciously or subconsciously.
From picturing your favorite porn scene or delectable fantasy, to dealing with anxiety ridden evaluations of our bodies or performance, to fearing contraception failure, or your neighbours overhearing through your paper thin walls.
There are hundreds of opportunities for your mind to wander away from what’s happening in front of you, or to you.
I’m pretty much a stranger to mindfulness.
In fact, when trying to learn about what it was, I watched a video on x2 playback to take in the information more quickly. Ironic, huh?
From what I’ve learnt, I think that mindfulness could be the answer to those mid-sex distractions.
The thoughts will still appear, but rather than allowing them to absorb us completely, we can use mindfulness to bring us back into the zone to connect with ourselves, our sexual partner(s) and ultimately, experience more pleasure.
Dr. Lanae St.John, DHS, ACS, is a board-certified sexologist, sexuality educator, and writer. She received her Doctorate in Human Sexuality from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality where she focused on Child and Adolescent Sexuality.
She develops curriculum, teaches classes, and works with clients to normalize conversations about sexuality between parents and children. Her writing and sex expertise have been featured in various publications, websites, radio shows, and on YouTube.
She believes that we must help adults discover a positive outlook on sexuality before they can impart wisdom to the young people in their lives. By teaching parents to nurture the budding sexuality of their children in ways that foster self-respect and acceptance for the totality of their personhood, she helps them raise children who become empowered, beautiful, strong, sexually healthy adults.
She often incorporates pop culture, current advertising, music, and movie references into her teachings and blogs about sex, parenting, relationships, and gender at TheMamasutra.net.