Lovehoney Sex Expert Interview: Rachel & Kyle Wright
on Mar 17, 2019
Rachel and Kyle Wright are the founders of Wright Wellness Center. They equip people with the tools they need (that society doesn't teach!) to have fulfilling, healthy relationships and lives. They specialize in rescuing relationships and restoring intimacy by bridging the gap between a self-help book and a therapist's couch through coaching, podcast, community, and free resources.
Rachel, Psychotherapist and Therapeutic Relationship Coach, is one of the freshest voices on modern and millennial relationships. She is also a sex educator, speaker, and writer, and co-host of the WWC Podcast. She has been featured in Women's Health, PsychologyToday, MindBodyGreen, Bustle and dozens of other outlets.
Kyle's calling is to change the way we view masculinity and how we talk and teach about mental health, relationships and sex. He coaches men one-to-one to help them navigate their Modern Masculinity™, and works with couples enrolled in Revive Your Relationship™. He has been featured on The Dad Podcast, Sexy Food Therapy TV, and by Dovetail Summits.
Tell us about the Wright Wellness Center and what inspired you to start it. What is the top sex concern couples come to you with and what are some key takeaways for working through it together?
Wright Wellness Center was created because we saw a need in the world. Not everyone needs therapy for their relationship. Most of the time, because we don't teach communication in schools, they need tools, skills, and knowledge – which is what we teach. Wright Wellness Center helps people have happier healthier relationships, so they can scream less and screw more! We use 40+ years of scientific research around what makes a relationship incredible and teach it in a simple-to-understand and easy-to-implement format. We also do group coaching programs, private coaching and run a private community where people can get support from others and talk about the things that are most important: sex, relationships, and mental health. The number one question that couples who work with us have about sex is "How often should we be having sex for us to have a healthy relationship?". We love that question because there is no answer. There isn't a number of sexual interactions on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis that will equate to a happy relationship.
Kyle:When people ask me this question I love to throw out some insane number, like 15-20 times a week. That always gets the "deer in headlights" response. I always follow up with the real truth: the amount of times you have sex a week is totally up to you, and as long as you and your partner are on the same page AND feeling satisfied, the number means nothing.
Rachel:I've had so many clients who have sex every day who are miserable in their relationship, and I've had clients who have sex once a quarter who are the happiest ever (and vice versa). There's not a one-size-fits-all answer for this question that everyone asks!
In your work, what topics have you observed couples need more education around and why do you think that is?
Communication. 100% communication – it's the big one. We get taught how to listen to respond, rather than listen to understand. People don't know how to use an "I statement" properly, which can lead to a ton of miscommunication. How can you ask for what you need in the bedroom if you don't feel like your partner is going to listen to or understand you? If you ask for something new or different in bed and the communication in your relationship isn't strong, it can lead to difficult fights as sex is such an emotional and sensitive topic. In our society, we don't even teach how to communicate about what we want for dinner, let alone what we want in the bedroom.
How can incorporating toys into the bedroom help strengthen and increase the level of play in a couple's sex life?
Forming new experiences together is one of the things that really brings a couple closer together. But when it comes to new experiences, we tend to think of travel, new food, new hobbies... not new sexual experiences. Trying new toys, lubricants, positions, and locations can all be vulnerable and enjoyable experiences if you and your partner are ready for it!
What are some of your best tips to help couples fully express themselves to each other sexually?
Honesty and timing. Don't start telling your partner you want to try a new butt plug during a family dinner. Make sure that you have the time needed to have a full conversation without interruptions. That way you and your partner can be sure to have the privacy and time to fully explore your needs, wants, and desires.
What's your very favorite bedroom advice to give?
Try it. No matter what it is. If it sounds fun, sexy, or exciting, try it (and be safe)! And if you're wanting support on communicating in the bedroom (or wherever you're gettin' it on!) check out How To Ask For What You Need In The Bedroom.
Learn more about their work here.
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