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  1. Sometimes it seems there can be a real 'us' and 'them' attitude, when it comes to vanillas (people who engage in conventional sex, often, it is interpreted as sex which does not involve such elements as BDSM, kink, or fetish activities) and kinksters (according to Wikipedia: "Kinky practices go beyond what are considered conventional 'vanilla' sexual practices as a means of heightening the intimacy between sexual partners.")

    If you’re one you can’t be the other, right? You should never let it be known you occasionally associate with the opposing side… It’s also assumed if you’re on one side you think the other is less than worthy.

    Breaking it down to basic stereotypes, vanillas think kinksters are scary and weird. Kinksters think vanillas are unadventurous and boring.

    "Vanillas" might not be as open about sexual proclivities, but that doesn't mean what they do in private is much different from activities kinky people engage in. Crossing over to the kinky side is not necessarily black and white.

    I can’t tell you how many times a self-identified vanilla has asked me, “How do I tell my partner I want some new things in bed? I’ve never told them I like some light spanks and nibbles. I’d love for them to take charge a bit more and be more demanding. I also really enjoy role-playing, but I don’t think I’m into, like, *makes the face* BDSM or anything. All that crazy stuff is just too freaky for me!”

    I’m not sure what most people think BDSM is? Let’s break down the acronym and examine a few “other side” observations about BDSM.

    Guest post by Sunny Megatron

    Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James The Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, including Fifty Shades Freed, Fifty Shades Darker has been heating up bedroom and bathroom scenes since before Mother’s day. I’ve spoken with very few people who haven’t heard of this NYtimes bestseller and a much larger number (mostly women) who have. From my friends in the scene who tend to have their reservations and doubts, to the more vanilla in the bunch who have stories of receiving it from coworkers or friends of friends - many have had the steamy erotica cross their path.

    Queerie Bradshaw suggests that the advent of the e-readers and the ability to read anything without the conspicuous cover showing has helped facilitate Fifty Shades’s pervasiveness. I think that helps but it’s not the whole story, as I’ve seen many photos of the physical paperback selling out in stores and posted on instagram as beach or airplane reading. For example, the woman sitting next to me on my recent flight home from NYC had no qualms about reading Fifty Shades Freed during the flight. I wish I had taken the opportunity to chat her up about the story’s appeal, but I’m not always so bold.