What is Switching in BDSM?

Published on 6/29/2023

A Kinky switch is someone who engages in BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and submission, and Sadomasochism) without being tied down to either the Dominant or submissive role. Rather, switches embody both sides of the power dynamic depending on the context.

Dominance and submission (D/s) in BDSM is a dynamic of play that involves partners adopting a power differential where one partner relinquishes control or submits to the Dominant in the scene (or relationship). Some gravitate to the Dominant role, others to the submissive role. Switches, sometimes referred to as "versatile," enjoy both roles. In the case of BDSM switches, the Dominant and submissive role may be up for negotiation on a regular basis. Some switches also revel in power shifting over the course of play.

A switch’s role preference may change based on their play partner, or the kind of play they are exploring, or even when playing in public versus playing in the privacy of an intimate space. Some switches are open to adopting both roles, and still have a strong preference for one role over the other regardless of the context of play. An example of this could be someone who enjoys topping when spanking is on the menu, but generally prefers adopting the submissive role.

Another switching dynamic can involve changing roles within a single interaction. This particular style of switching is centered in a desire to either obtain or relinquish control through the course of the action in a scene. The desire is to experience the swapping of roles; the crux of the negotiated scene then centers around this literal exchange of power. Some switches pair with other switches to take turns and discover the pleasures of both giving and receiving with that partner. In this dynamic, the pleasure and fun lies in creating space for an open playground where partners exchange pleasure, pain, or power in an exciting, pre-negotiated dance.

Identifying as a switch or being interested in switching is as valid an expression of BDSM as being Dominant or submissive. Like all BDSM play, switching can involve sex or can occur in scene play, role play, or kinky relationship dynamics that do not center around sexual gratification. Switching can also be a useful way to learn about the experience on both sides of the power exchange. Many Dominants in training have switched roles in the process of learning about the experience of a submissive in D/s dynamics. The experience adopting the submissive role can inform how a Dominant chooses to assert dominance in play or even which skills that Dominant then chooses to become schooled in.

The possibilities for play and configuration of partners truly is limitless with switches, but there are few common categories of switching styles below. If you are drawn to domination you may want to also read about BDSM Domination Styles. If you lean towards the submissive role, you can also dive into our guide on BDSM sub Styles.

7 Common BDSM Switching Styles

Switch Tops in BDSM engage in both Topping and bottoming, meaning they enjoy both doing the kinky or sexual and receiving the action. For example, a switch Top may be the giver in one scene or with one partner and the receiver in other contexts. In the case of the switch top it is likely that they tend to top in most sexual and kinky activities and have a few things or a particular partner they enjoy bottoming for. Switch tops may also “top from the bottom” meaning they retain a domineering stance or give direction even when they are the receiver.

Switch Bottoms engage in both topping and bottoming, meaning they enjoy receiving the action in addition to doing kinky things to their partner/s. A switch bottom is likely to give or receive dependent on the context, their mood, or the partner they are playing with. Switch bottoms prefer to be the receiver in many contexts and also have skills as a Top and will Top for certain partners or when engaging in certain kinds of play.

Switch Doms in a BDSM context will take on both roles in the power dynamic depending on the context. A switch Dom will likely adopt the dominant or sadistic role more than they cede power to another Dominant. However, when the mood strikes or they find the right partner they will engage in the submissive role. It can also be the case that a switch Dom prefers to be in control of the scene unless a particular kind of play is being explored and they will sub only if their partner is skilled at that kind of play.

Submissive switches will take on both the Dominant and submissive roles in BDSM play depending on the circumstances. Submissive switches are more likely to adopt the submissive or masochistic role and enjoy relinquishing control and power to a Dominant. However, submissive switches also find themselves called to dominate with certain partners, or they develop Dominant skills in a particular area of play that they relish the opportunity to show off.

Flexible switches will adopt both the dominant and submissive role in BDSM play and occasionally switch roles. Flexible switches are predominantly either Dominant or submissive and will make an exception if the circumstances are just right.

Hard Switches are equally comfortable in both a Dominant and submissive role in BDSM. They prefer when the roles switch, especially in a single session of play, and pride themselves on being able to easily transition between roles showing prowess as a Dominant and enjoying ceding power as a submissive as well.

Service-oriented switches adopt either the Dominant or submissive role in BDSM, whichever role allows them to best provide service and pleasure to their partner. How the service is administered is less important to this switching style. The primary focus for a service switch is to make their Dominant or submissive partner happy either through sexual acts or other acts of service, like bootblacking, household chores, training or even discipline.

BDSM_Advice_Hub_Uber_SplitBanner_KinkyCodeofConduct_Desktop_1400x900

COMMUNICATION IN D/s DYNAMICS

Regardless of the Domination and submission style you are drawn to or participate in, one element unites all D/s play and that is open communication. It is important for all partners engaging in D/s to agree on the limits of the dynamic and to share their needs and desires. Negotiation tools create the parameters for play, protocols, even relationship dynamics and daily protocols. Think of communication as the tool that creates a safe container for the intentional exchange of power where both (or all) partners’ needs and restrictions are made clear and where consent is obtained and sustained over time.

Consent is at the heart of any type of power dynamic, and it is essential for both partners to give their consent freely. If you’re unclear about what constitutes consent, think of the acronym FRIES. Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Embodied and Specific. This means that consent cannot be pressured or coerced. Consent can be taken away at any time (reversible). Consent cannot be given unless someone fully understands what they are consenting to. If a type of play or protocol is unknown to the submissive, consent must be obtained through a learning process, rather than throwing them into the play or dynamic and trusting it will be ok. Embodied consent refers to the requirement that someone is able to stay connected to their body, in the present moment, and not triggered into a dissociative state by the kinky play or the dynamic they are engaging in. Pre-agreed upon safety words and cues and/or periodic check-ins throughout play are way to ensure that consent is maintained even in the steamiest or most intense scenes. FRIES also covers the requirement for specificity when obtaining consent. This means that consent to one type of play, or on any given day, does not imply consent to other things at other times. Consent is dependent on context. If the context changes, consent can be withdrawn.

A time-tested tool for negotiating BDSM is the Yes/No/Maybe list. A Yes/No/Maybe list can help you share with your partner about the kinds of play you both want to explore. It’s also helpful to talk about how intensely you are interested in exploring different dynamics and Kinky activities and what experience, if any, you have. Staying open-minded while being true to yourself and clear about your boundaries is a winning approach when communicating about sex of any kind.

Debriefs and aftercare are also important communication and intimacy tools that are used regularly in BDSM. Aftercare is often negotiated ahead of time and is an important aspect because it informs the way that partners transition from a D/s dynamic back into their daily life or post-scene interactions with one another. Aftercare can include a range of things like cuddles, or watching a movie; hydrating and making a plan to talk in two days, text messages praising your submissive; or even a hot shower together. Often partners are not in a space to talk about a scene directly following play. Debriefs are post-scene conversations where, much like negotiation, partners can discuss not only what worked well in the dynamic that they are eager to explore again, but also to re-establish boundaries and parameters that will inform future play.

Open, honest communication rooted in trust is essential in any D/s relationship regardless of the style of D/s you engage, how you identify or what kinds of play excite you. Both partners should feel comfortable expressing their needs and desires and be willing to listen to each other. Getting to know your authentic desires and your partner’s opens a world of exciting erotic possibilities.

Interested in learning more about the variety of ways to assert control and dominance in kinky play and/or submissive styles that call to you? Our Dominant Styles in BDSM Guide and our Submissive Styles in BDSM Guide explain in detail the different approaches to D/s.

Bestselling Products for BDSM Explorers

Deal