Sexual difficulties are something that people often feel a lot of shame, guilt, and embarrassment about. Having a sex problem can make someone feel “less than” or lead to strong feelings of inadequacy. People derive a certain amount of self-worth from their sexual performance, so when problems start to arise, they can pose a threat to our self-image and body esteem. However, we need to normalize sexual difficulties because most of us will experience them at one point or another. Our bodies naturally change over time in ways that can impact sexual performance. But even if you’re young and the picture of health, problems can still arise because the simple fact of the matter is that our bodies and genitals just don’t always do what we want them to do. However, sexual difficulties don’t have to mean the end of your sex life. They’re highly treatable, and as long as we feel empowered to do something about our sexual problems, they don't have to get in the way of having an active and satisfying sex life.

Different sexual difficulties may require different kinds of solutions, and some may require the help of a trained physician or sex therapist. If you’re struggling to resolve a difficulty on your own or are dealing with something that is highly distressing, it’s definitely advisable to speak with a professional. However, the good news is that 80-90% of sexual problems can be solved without the need for intensive therapy. Many problems can be solved through sex education and learning more about your own body, increasing sexual communication, engaging in stress reduction, and bringing sexual wellness aides into the bedroom (such as lube or toys).

Masturbation has the potential to help with a wide range of sexual difficulties. For example, sometimes we run into sexual problems because we don’t know what it is that really works for our own bodies. Masturbation can help you to discover what does and doesn’t feel good, while also helping you to unlock new sources of pleasure. Self-pleasure is self-understanding. And when you can bring that knowledge of what you need into partnered sex, it can help in terms of building and maintaining arousal, as well as reaching orgasm.

Trying sex toys is actually one of the most common self-help solutions people try for dealing with sexual difficulties. In fact, in a 2021 survey conducted by the Kinsey Institute and Lovehoney, we found that 23% of American adults who reported experiencing a sexual difficulty said that they used sex toys as a solution. So how can sex toys help? As one example, in the case of erectile difficulties, a cock ring can be a handy way of helping to maintain an erection. As another example, incorporating a vibrator into partnered sex can offer targeted clitoral stimulation, which can help women who are unable to reach orgasm through penetration alone.

Low sexual interest can have many potential causes, from hormonal disruptions to lack of sleep to stress to simply not having great sex (after all, it’s hard to be interested in sex that isn’t working for you). It may be worth consulting with a healthcare provider for this to identify potential underlying health conditions that might be contributing. It may also help to consider lifestyle modifications (e.g., exercise, diet, better sleep schedule) that can help to boost desire. Finally, you might also consider introducing more novelty into the bedroom (such as sex toys) to help ensure that you’re having more exciting sex and sex that’s worth having.

Orgasmic difficulties can have many contributing causes, but one common one is that you’re not getting the kind of stimulation that you need during sex in order to have an orgasm. This is particularly common for women who have difficulty orgasming during vaginal intercourse. Adding in sex toys that offer clitoral stimulation is often a handy solution in this case.

Vaginal dryness can be due to many factors, such as beginning sex before you’re fully aroused, hormonal disruptions, menopause, and aging. Regardless of the cause, use of artificial lubricants can be a handy solution. It may also help to spend more time on foreplay to build up to a higher level of arousal, and also to speak with a healthcare provider about hormone replacement if the underlying cause is related to menopause/aging.

Performance anxiety occurs when we get too in our heads about sex. We start overthinking, overanalyzing, and worrying. One way of potentially dealing with this is to engage in mindfulness practices. Another is to consider adding more novelty into sex, such as by using sex toys. Novelty can increase the intensity of a sexual encounter in a way that draws you into the moment and helps you to get out of your head.

Erectile difficulties can have both physical and psychological causes (and often both). Speaking with a healthcare provider can be a valuable first step to determine the cause and the appropriate course of treatment. Sometimes the solution resides in medication, other times in psychotherapy, and yet other times in using various tools such as cock rings or penis pumps.

Premature ejaculation can be overcome in multiple ways, but different solutions might work for different people. Among the many options available for potentially improving sexual stamina are: use of desensitizing sprays or condoms, Kegel exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor, and using sex toys like a male masturbator to practice edging.

Oftentimes, the solution to painful intercourse resides simply in using an artificial lubricant to increase comfort and/or engaging in mindfulness practices to promote relaxation. However, painful sex can be due to many factors, and if the self-help approach doesn’t address it and it’s always painful no matter what you do, talk to a healthcare provider because it may be due to an underlying health issue in need of treatment.