How to Go Down on a Woman

In this guide: What is cunnilingus? | How to go down on a woman | Which sex toys to use | Sex positions to try

Feel like you’re licking blindly with no idea what you’re doing? If your tongue is cramping and she still hasn’t come, you might need to switch up techniques—or just ask her what she likes! Every vulva is different, so listening to your partner’s preferences is the first step.

But oral sex can take practice and plenty of communication. This guide will take you through how to go down on a woman (or anyone with a vulva). You’ll find oral sex tips from sex educator Javay Frye-Nekrasova, as well as satisfying sex toy recommendations, and oral sex position ideas.

Only got time for a quickie?

Read the full guide for detailed tonging techniques. Otherwise, here’s the quick version:

• Oral sex and cunnilingus mean the same thing. It’s when you use your mouth, lips, and tongue to pleasure the genitals, either as foreplay or its own hot sex sesh.

• It helps to know your partner’s anatomy. Plenty of people still think the clitoris is just a small, button-like nub on the outside of the vulva; it actually extends much deeper. Stimulating the clit is one of the easiest ways to help a woman climax.

• Start slow and build arousal. The clit may be the MVP, but you can build arousal by teasing other erogenous zones like the inner thighs, labia, or the anal area. Anticipation can make sex even... well, sexier.

• Your mouth doesn’t have to work alone. Fingers and toys can seriously elevate the experience. Find out which toys to use below.

• Consistency can pay off. When what you’re doing is working, keep doing it. And if they’re close to the big O, don’t you dare stop.

• It’s okay if oral sex isn’t your thing. If you or your partner isn’t into it, there are plenty of other ways to pleasure each other.

Cunnilingus (AKA going down, eating pussy, or giving head) means using your mouth, lips, and tongue to perform oral sex on a vulva. With all of your senses engaged in your partner’s body, oral sex can be a pretty intimate experience.

Cunnilingus might seem intimidating, but it’s worth it if you and your lover(s) are into the idea. 91% of respondents in our survey said longer foreplay makes them feel more connected to their partner.* Studies also show that women are more likely to orgasm when sex includes cunnilingus. If that isn’t a reason to find out exactly how your lover likes to be licked, nothing is!

*Lovehoney x We-Vibe survey, 909 sexually active respondents, primarily based in Germany, USA, and UK (April 2026)

Don’t be embarrassed to ask your partner what they do and don’t like during oral—they’re the only one who can tell you what feels good for them. In the meantime, these tips can help get you started:

Sex educator, Javay Frye-Nekrasova, reminds us that “vagina” isn’t the correct name for the whole genital area. "Vulva” is the name for all the parts you can see and stimulate from outside the body, including the vaginal opening. “Vagina” refers to the internal part.

The vulva is a general pleasure zone, but the clitoris is the MVP. Research suggests that most women find clitoral stimulation important when it comes to orgasm, with only 21-30% able to orgasm from vaginal penetration alone.

Take your time

Really good oral sex is about the build up. “Don’t head straight for her genitals,” says Silkyhat, putting it perfectly on the Lovehoney Forum. “Remember you’re making love to a whole person not just an orifice. She’s more likely to be open to the idea if she is really warmed up first.”

To help your partner relax and get turned on, try running your fingers along their inner thighs and trace soft kisses or nibbles over their belly. You can even tease their nipples, if that’s something they’re into.

Tease around the clit first

Since the clit is so sensitive, a lot of people prefer not to be touched there until they’re quite turned on. Ignoring the clit at first can also help build anticipation, which might make your partner come even harder. Anticipation is part of the brain’s reward system, which means you get a huge hit of dopamine (the pleasure hormone) when you want something and then you get it!

Start kissing the labia and mons pubis, using the warmth of your breath to tease the whole area. Lick the labia and vaginal opening. You could try short, soft flicks of your tongue on the clit or long flat licks to tease it a little before you take in your mouth and suck gently.

Use flavored lube

We can’t get enough lube. It adds an extra layer of sensation while making everything glide more easily, whether that’s fingers, a tongue, sex toy, or penis. Flavored lube is totally optional, but it can be a fun treat for the giver.

Take it from us; strawberry, cherry, and bubblegum are some of the most popular flavors! When choosing your favorite, look for body safe, water-based lubes. And if your partner is prone to yeast infections, check your lube doesn’t have sugar or glycerin in the ingredients as this can be a trigger.

Try different tongue techniques

Mastering cunnilingus is an art! An inconsistent rhythm can get frustrating for someone who’s trying to come. Likewise, licking the clit over and over without varying anything can feel like a horse licking a salt lick. Not sexy.

Experiment with gently sucking the clit for a bit before flicking or tapping it with your tongue. Swipe your tongue up and down the vulva, and then try side-to-side. You can also dart the tip of your tongue inside the vaginal opening or try swirling it in circles.

Be consistent when they get close

This is an important one. When your partner is close to orgasm, don’t stop what you’re doing. If you suddenly change rhythm now, they might lose momentum! Moaning, fingers grabbing your hair, and breathing faster are all good body language signs from your partner that you’re doing it right.

Then again, some say edging (prolonging an orgasm by stopping and starting stimulation) can lead to an even more powerful climax. Changing techniques or easing off the pressure when your partner is close can be an excellent edging technique...

Use your fingers

The entire clit, both inside and outside, swells with blood when someone with a vulva gets aroused. This helps the body make slippery fluid inside the vagina, which can make penetration feel easier and more pleasurable.

Once things get hot and slippery, try sliding a finger or two inside your partner’s vagina while kissing or sucking their clit externally. If you curl your fingers gently up towards the belly button, a few inches inside, you can find the G-spot, which can feel sensational.

Your fingers can also make an excellent stand-in if your mouth needs a break. Stroke, tap, or swirl your finger around the clit. Javay says that massaging the labia, around the urethra and vaginal opening, or even the sides of the clit can do amazing things for pleasure—just be sure to use lube to minimize painful friction.

Bring in a G-spot toy

Some experts believe the G-spot is where the clitoral legs and bulbs meet internally, which would explain why this can be such an intense pleasure zone. You can tease the G-spot with your fingers or use a G-spot vibrator to do it for you while you keep sucking on their clit.

Don’t be intimidated by toys! Watching your partner pleasure themselves with toy can be unbelievably sexy. You might even find that exploring something new together makes you feel more connected.

Expert tip: Kneel or lie side-on to your partner to keep going down on them while they use the toy. From side-on, you might be more comfortable giving oral sex with a toy inches from your face.

Keep practicing

Your partner may not come on the first try, or the second, and maybe even the 10th or 15th. To avoid frustration from both of you, try to relax into the moment and enjoy the process rather than putting pressure on the orgasm part. Be sure to listen and take direction too!

Forum user Love_Stud_Too knows how perseverance can help: “To be brought to orgasm this way is mind-blowing. Since my husband did this successfully, I’ve been a devotee. I’ll admit that he took quite a while to get me there, but once he understood what he needed to do to push my button, so to speak, he could get me there any time he wanted.”

Trying couple’s toys together is about finding what brings you both more pleasure and excitement. It doesn’t mean you’re not enough for your partner.

For example, you can easily press a bullet vibe to your partner's clit without it getting in the way of oral. “Cunnilingus and rimming are the basis of our entire Sunday morning sessions and she thoroughly enjoys it, although she doesn’t always come without extra help from a bullet,” says rockstar on the Lovehoney Forum.

Here are some more ideas:

• G-spot vibrator: The curved tip means you or your lover can insert this toy and let it naturally press against the G-spot, all while you’re sucking your partner’s clit. Some people describe this type of orgasm (AKA a blended orgasm) as a more powerful, full-body experience than either type of stimulation alone.

• Love egg: Love eggs are smaller, more compact and designed to be fully inserted. Since there’s usually a discreet removal cord rather than bulky handle, they’re easier combine with oral sex.

• Dildo: There are SO many types of dildo! Metal dildos like the njoy Pure Wand Stainless Steel Dildo can be good for hitting the G-spot because of their firm, smooth surface. Meanwhile, realistic dildos such as the Lifelike Lover Classic Realistic Dildo are great for people who enjoy the look and feel of a penis.

• Anal beads: The butt is full of nerve endings, so it can feel very erotic to combine anal play with cunnilingus. Slowly insert a toy like the Lovehoney Rechargeable Bendable Vibrating Anal Beads (be generous with lube). When your partner is about to come, gently remove the beads one by one.

You might be familiar with the typical oral sex pose: the receiving partner is lying back on the bed with the giver face down between the receiver’s legs. That’s a perfectly good place to start! That said, to keep things exciting, you can try one of these oral sex positions next time: