How to Introduce Bondage to Your Relationship

A lot of the stigma around bondage has evaporated in recent years and there are many curious lovers looking for new ways to enjoy sexual experiences with their partners.

Bondage can be soft, sensual and romantic - as well as kinky and intensely thrilling. The simple act of restraining your lover offers new, physical experiences and an intensified feeling of trust and closeness.

Seen as an art form by many who practice some of the more elaborate methods of restraint, bondage encompasses a wide range of bedroom activities, from blindfolding your partner to binding their wrists and ankles.

Video: How to talk about Bondage | Asking for kinky sex

Above: One of the biggest challenges couples face when deciding to try bondage is knowing how to broach the subject. In this video, Jess Wilde gives you her top tips for asking to try bondage.

Bringing up the subject

There is a lot that can be said for the element of surprise, but don't spring bondage on your partner. Being tied-up can make some people panic, so it's important you speak to your partner about your desires and limits first.

Discussing new ideas with your partner can be scary, and a lot of us neck the booze and drunkenly chance a suggestion. This technique often works for other sexual adventures, but heed the warning: bondage and alcohol do not mix. Where restraint is involved, you become responsible for your lover's safety as well as their pleasure.

Conversation starters

When speaking to your partner, be sure to ask open-questions to gain insight into their point-of-view and their feelings about trying bondage for the first time.

  1. I've got a fantasy where one of us is in charge during sex. What do you think?
  2. How would you feel about playing with a blindfold when we go to bed?
  3. How would you feel if we looked on Lovehoney for some handcuffs and things for the bedroom?

Talking through this kind of fantasy helps you to relate better as a couple but can also expand your own thoughts on the subject, explain your feelings which allows them to empathise and even elaborate on your fantasy.

Keeping it real

If either of you are worried about the idea of incorporating bondage in your sex life, you shouldn't be afraid to say so and explain why. Consider your reasons and openly discuss them with your partner.

You may find that during discussion, you too become curious but as with anything in a partnership, bondage is not for everyone.

“Bought this as a first real buy for dom and sub play! Was not disappointed. My partner saw I'd got this and was a turn-on before I'd even got it on!.” - Missy28

You shouldn't feel bad if you are not interested in bondage when your partner is, but equally understand that your partner's desires are valid.

The right tools for the job

If you decide you might like to give bondage a go, it's worth thinking about what exactly you would like to try before you invest in any bondage equipment to make sure your purchases are matched to your needs.

  1. Are you looking to enhance foreplay and sensory play?
  2. Do you or your partner have a preference as to who should be tied up or do you want to take it in turns?
  3. Are you happy being locked into restraints or do you want to be able to escape if you want to?

These are all questions that you should ask and consider before you go ahead with making any purchase choices.

First-time thrills

Once you're fired-up, you'll be ready to invest in your first bondage equipment. Beginner-friendly wrist cuffs and a blindfold are ideal for your first time. Cuffs will allow you to experiment with restraint and the blindfold will not only bring in an element of sensory play, it will also alleviate any butterflies you have about trying bondage for the first time.

“Me and my partner really enjoyed the surprise, and it was the best sex we had in a while. Has opened the door for us to talk more about bondage and fantasies we’ve had but been too afraid to bring up.” - Sthom

The great news is that bedroom bondage kits usually contain these staple items and are great value-for-money, allowing you to experiment with different toys without investing in a vast array of equipment.

Visit our Bondage for Beginners category to discover the best toys for first-time bondage.

Leather or lace?

If the look of bondage gear is a little heavy for your tastes, there are plenty of alternatives to the traditional leather and buckles championed by hardcore enthusiasts. The Lovehoney Luxury Bondage Kit is soft but strong and a great starting point for your bondage adventure.

“The soft texture feels nice on the wrists and ankles, and felt very strong. They didn’t cut in but tied tightly around the wrists, allowing for a good level of restraint. Overall, a staple for anyone looking to have some fun in the bedroom with a more romantic aesthetic to it.” - Amy T

If you do want something more heavy duty, Bondage Boutique have a great Under the Bed Restraint System, which sits under the mattress of your bed and allows you to bind both wrists and legs if desired. This system allows easy release, but at the same time they're sturdy enough to survive being pulled on.

Play safe and avoid knots! For first-time bondage it's best to avoid anything which ties in a knot, like rope. A pesky knot you can't untie is a nightmare at the best of times, but is certainly not something you want to happen in the bedroom. We recommend avoiding rope until you're ready to do the research needed to play safely.

In the meantime, a great alternative is Tease by Lovehoney Bondage Tape: it sticks to itself so you can bind wrists, ankles and just about any body part any way you like without the worry of knots.

“I was surprised how soft the tape was as well as the strength. A few wraps around the wrist and you're well secured whilst remaining comfortable.” - KinksandKooks

The only rule to remember is to play safe. Ensure that the safety of you and your partner is top of your agenda before you reach for the handcuffs. Ensure that you are both able to communicate, that you have set up a safe word and that you're both familiar with the restraints and how to unfasten them before you put them to full use. Read more about bondage safety techniques.

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