How to Introduce Sex Toys to Your Relationship

Let the meet and greet between your favorite toy and your favorite person commence!

Though many tend to think of sex toys as more of a solo activity, incorporating them into your shared sex life can do a wealth of good for your relationship. From spicing things up to enhancing sensations to helping bridge the orgasm gap and more, adding a toy to partner play can add a whole lot of joy.

But if you’ve landed on this article, the many potential perks of sharing toys with your boo have probably already occurred to you – you're here to learn how to start the fun! And we’ve got you there, hun – read on for 5 steps for introducing sex toys to your relationship that will take you all the way from introduction to implementation.

1. Talk it out

Though you’re surely eager to open up your toybox with your partner and get started on your journey of the mutual joys of sex toys ASAP, you’ll first need to chat with your partner to make sure you’re on the same page. Not only is consent mandatory for all sex acts, but talking about toys with your boo will likely fill you both with anticipation and excitement! If you’re at a loss for how to start your chat or simply want to feel uber-prepared, follow the below tips for navigating the sex toy talk for the first time.

Choose an appropriate time and place

As with any sex or relationship-oriented convo, when and where you broach the topic can impact how comfortable you both feel during the discussion, so consider the time and place for bringing up your desires.

It’s best to have the chat somewhere private – after all, sex is a very private matter for most people. Choose a spot where you won’t have to worry about others overhearing you – this will make you and your partner more open to speaking freely with each other.

For timing, we recommend talking about toys for the first time during a non-sexual moment – addressing your sex toy ambitions just before sex might make your partner feel pressured to say yes immediately while communicating your interest in adding toys to shared play shortly after sexual encounters may make your partner feel self-conscious about their prior performance.

You’ll also want to consider your sweetheart’s mood and what else they have going on in the day. If they’re upset or have any important events later (like a meeting or reunion), you should probably pick another time. By addressing the topic when your lover has a good disposition and no upcoming stressful or significant plans, you’ll set the scene for positivity and allow them time to reflect on the conversation.

Pick your words wisely

For some, being asked to incorporate toys into their sex lives may be an ego bruiser. If your partner is particularly sensitive or has sexual hang-ups, they might mistakenly take your interest in exploring the shared joys of toys as an insult to their sexual performance. Being intentional about your phrasing and the reasoning behind your wanting to bring sex toys into your relationship can be helpful in avoiding misconceptions and hurt feelings.

One way to introduce the topic is by framing it as an adventure, highlighting that toys would be an add-on to an already fulfilling sex life, not a replacement for something lacking. For example, you can say something like, “I came across an article the other day on sex toys for couples, and it got me thinking how much fun it could be to explore some new things together. We already have such great sexual chemistry; I can only imagine how showstopping our sex life would be if we added pleasure products to the mix.”

Another option is to focus on your own stimulation needs, placing matter-of-fact emphasis on anatomy and mechanics so that your significant other can come to see sex toys as their partner in helping you climax, not their competition. For example, you could say something like, “I struggle to orgasm without super-intense clitoral stimulation, which I’m not able to achieve without the strength of a vibrator. I’d love for you to use one on me during sex if you’d be down to try it!”

However you choose to convey your wishes, be sensitive to your lover’s feelings and respect their own thoughts on the matter.

2. Select your sex toy

Assuming your lover is on board to start using sex toys with you, you’ll next need to decide exactly what toy(s) is a good fit for your shared playtime. It will likely help to have some background knowledge on what kinds of pleasure products are out there before determining which ones might be a winning match for you both. Check out the following Lovehoney guides to learn more about different kinds of adult toys:

Ask your partner which sex toy categories they’d be interested in trying and share your own answer to that question. You should also discuss which features are important to you in a sex toy, such as vibration, quietness, or a waterproof form.

It’s a good idea to choose a toy type that’s an extension of play you already incorporate in your shared sex life instead of grabbing something entirely new to you – for instance, if you’ve never tried anal play, you should probably steer clear of anal toys for your first go around. Using a sex toy that’s totally unfamiliar to you might be intimidating, which definitely isn’t an emotion to seek out during your intro to shared toy time. Err on the side of caution by starting slow and simple – there's always more time to explore different kinds of sex toys later down the line!

Top Couple’s Vibrators

3. Test the waters

To ensure smooth sailing when you first use your toy with your boo, you’ll want to have a general idea of how your sex toy operates so awkward function fumbling doesn’t get in the way of your passion. Take the time to read your pleasure product’s instruction manual and fiddle around with the toy’s settings so that you’re familiar with how everything works and how to keep your new bedroom buddy in peak condition. If your sex toy is wearable (like in the case of cock rings and C-shaped couples’ vibrators), you might want to try it on during this learning phase so that insertion or application is more intuitive when the time comes to get jiggy with your partner.

Customer-beloved couples’ toy kit

Lovehoney Wild Weekend Mega Couple's Sex Toy Kit (11 Piece)
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If you’re looking to start your foray into sharing sex toys with a bang, you can’t go wrong with the top-rated Lovehoney Wild Weekend Mega Couple’s Sex Toy Kit. Including a whopping 11 tantalizing toys, this expansive couples’ pleasure bundle is ideal for trying out different sensations and advancing your play as you grow more comfortable and start craving more and more adventure.

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Crazy-cool C-shaped couples’ vibe

We-Vibe Sync O Remote and App Controlled Rechargeable Couple's Vibrator

A relatively new category of couples’ toys but an instant classic, C-shaped wearable vibrators like the We-Vibe Sync O provide constant, hands-free clitoral stimulation while still allowing for P-in-V intercourse (amongst many other saucy possibilities!) The Sync O, in particular, is a fabulous C-shaped vibe for sex toy newbies thanks to its O-shaped internal arm that stays put no matter what, relieving any worry of the toy getting dislodged at inopportune moments so you can stay present and focused on pleasure.

What customers say: "Wow! This really made my partner moan (with delight!). This smooth silicone couples vibrator fits in well and vibrates in the right places to take your couple play to a whole new level. The very neat app allows some very accurately controlled vibrations, in waves, pulses, and even in time to music or voice! Adjustable in a huge variety of ways you can individually tailor the internal and external vibes (separately!), with clever touch sensitive control through your smart device to even pulse to your touch on the app, from gentle to powerful. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to so finely tune a vibrator to hit the spot as much as this one. To say it got my partner in the mood is an understatement."

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4. Gather supplies and prep

You’ll need to have a few essentials on hand to properly use and maintain the quality and hygiene of your pleasure product. First and foremost, sex toys require some form of sanitizer; mild soap will suffice in most cases, but we recommend opting for sex toy cleaners instead as they’re specially formulated to be compatible with sex toy materials (using the wrong formulas of items like cleansers and lubricant for your toy’s makeup can degrade the product over time).

Which brings us to our next sexual wellness supply: lubricant! While lube isn’t always a requirement for toy time (except in the case of anal sex toys and extra-large insertable toys), it is always useful to have around. Pairing your toys with lube can ease entry for penetrative products, reduce or eliminate any uncomfortable friction, and generally enhance sensations all around.

For those who chose battery-operated toys, a must-have additional item is, of course, batteries. And if your sex toy is rechargeable, be sure to give it a full charge before your play session starts so you and your boo can reap its benefits for the maximum amount of time and pleasure!

Best Lubes & Toy Cleaners

5. Explore and enjoy

Now that you’ve done all the legwork, it’s finally time to let your sex toy shine! (After giving it a pre-use clean, that is). We suggest first playing with your toy on its lowest/least intense setting and getting a feel for what sensations it brings and how it alters based on placement and technique before utilizing any of its ‘wilder’ functions.

During play, it’s a good idea to check in with your partner every now and then to ensure they’re comfortable and having a good time – ask for feedback and adjust your approach and the toy’s settings accordingly. And remember, communication doesn’t equate to ruining the mood – a breathy “How does that feel, baby?” is both sexy and caring!

When the party’s over, enact proper cleaning and storage for your pleasure product and have a chat with your boo about how it went to determine whether you’re both down to play with toys again and, if so, what could make things even better the next go around.

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