How to Introduce Sex Toys to Your Relationship
Whether it's a blindfold or a butt plug, Lovehoney's got the lowdown on how to talk to your partner about your sex toy fantasies.
Bringing up the subject of sex toys isn't always the easiest thing to do, especially if it's something you or your partner have never discussed before.
But if you're worried about offending them, or nervous about revealing your own personal kink, don't worry - we've got the top do's and don'ts from the Lovehoney experts to make adding sex toys to your relationship a breeze.
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DO test the waters
If you’ve seen something on TV (such as the Lovehoney advert), or in an adult film, that makes you want to try sex toys with your partner, try mentioning it to them in a light-hearted, off-hand way (for example, ‘Wasn’t that scene or advert interesting? Would you ever try something like that?’).
If they seem willing to carry on the conversation, why not suggest trying something similar, and see how they react?
DO reassure them that it’s not to replace them, or because they’re bad in bed
A big reason that some people may be reluctant to talk about toys in the bedroom is that they believe it’s a sign that something’s not going well, or their partner isn’t being satisfied.
To put their mind at ease, try to make it clear that it’s not about replacing them - it’s about trying something new, making your sex life even more exciting, and discovering these new things together.
It’s like trying a new restaurant, or exploring a new place to go on holiday. Sure, you may absolutely love the place you visit all the time, but it’s always fun to throw something new into the mix and discover brand new experiences.
DON’T jump in with something huge or complicated
It may well be that your fantasy is to see your partner using an enormous dildo, or to have them peg you, or something similarly adventurous. But if you’ve never really explored that kind of play before, it’s important to start small.
Though it can be tempting to go all out on the most expensive or high-tech toy you can find because you think it will give you both the best experience, it’s important to get used to using them and find out if it works for you first.
See our collection of couple-friendly toys here.
DON’T just introduce a toy mid-session without warning your partner.
Surprising someone with something that they haven’t agreed to use could majorly backfire, even if you have the best of intentions.
Make sure that they’re aware of the toy beforehand, and are happy for you to use it. It’s then up to you to decide when you choose to bring it into play.
DO remember to have fun
Working up the courage to have the sex toy chat is sometimes daunting and stressful, and it can seem as though the future of your sex life depends on it going well.
But it's important to remember why you want to try sex toys in the first place.
It's because sex is fun, and you want to make it even more fun! Don't take it too seriously, and don't see it as the be all and end all - sex toys are great, but enjoyable sex with your partner is most important.
DO respect their decision
Ultimately, if they decide that sex toys aren't for them, you need to respect that it just might not be for them right now.
That's not to say they may not reconsider in the future. Give them all the information you can about why you think it would be fun, plant the seed for future conversations, and leave the rest to them.
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