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Put on a lovely, sexy show for your partner as they watch you make yourself come. This is all about getting exactly what you want... and sharing just enough to get their pulse racing, too.
How?
Lovers, get on your knees in front of each other. Place a suction cup dildo on a flat surface and slather it with lube. One of you will squat over the dildo and slide onto it, letting it fill your vagina or anus.
While it's your turn on the dildo, your partner can run their hands up your inner thighs and use their fingers to stroke your clitoris (or rub the head of your penis). Gaze into each other's eyes and do a little dirty talk, even if it's just telling your lover how hot they look or directing them where to touch you.
Expert tip: If you're taking turns on the dildo, never go from anal to vaginal play without carefully washing the dildo or placing a fresh condom over it first. (Save yourself from a UTI).
Show each other how you do it
Why?
It can be a real thrill to see your partner pleasure themselves, whether it's riding a dildo or simply masturbating in front of you. Not only is it just straight-up hot, but it's important, sometimes, to notice your partner being an autonomous person with their own desires.
Psychotherapist Esther Perel calls this "erotic separateness" (i.e., seeing your partner as an individual, not just an extension of yourself). She says it's essential to a healthy sex life in a long-term relationship.
That's because we often want to feel similarity and closeness with the people we love, but desire may need a little mystery and distance. That's why some couples love to roleplay as strangers. It creates a little extra frisson between two people who otherwise know each other really well!
Make it even better
While your lover is riding a dildo, pick up a wand vibrator with a long handle. You can use it to press against your own clitoris or perineum (the soft skin between your anus and genitals) while watching your lover play.
Wands are really versatile and easy to handle, so you can use one on your partner too. Try pressing the head of the wand to the top of the balls and base of the penis, if your partner has them. It'll send teasing vibrations through their balls and shaft, which can feel really erotic.
Instead of a dildo, you could try a butt plug. The plug sits inside the anus, vibrating from deep within, while you watch each other pleasure yourselves. If you're lucky enough to have a plug with a remote, you get to decide who controls the vibrations.
Make it even easier
You might find it easier to squat, rather than kneel, or vice versa. Pick whichever one suits your body and don't feel you have to stay in position for ages.
If you're playing with a suction cup, stick it to a smooth surface. It’s always nice to kneel on carpet or a soft bed, but you can grab something portable to stick your dildo to, like a clean cutting board or container.
Make it even kinkier
Lean into the idea of erotic separateness and make this position more intense by agreeing that you're not allowed to touch or kiss each other while you play. Keep your hands to yourself and only let your eyes meet until you're completely satisfied.
Take it even further by agreeing to a voyeurism scenario where you "accidentally" discover your partner pleasuring themselves. Now you get to "secretly" watch them do their thing.
Stay hidden until they come, or progress the scene by bursting in and berating them for being so horny and touching themselves without you! It depends on what works for you both, so be sure to talk it through first.
