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This sensual reset is here to rekindle your flame — for yourself! There’s something powerful in choosing to pause and focus on your own pleasure. It can be explored as a slow, solo sex position for anyone, but this one was chosen with our menopausal readers in mind.
How?
First, let’s make sure you’ve got a good 45 minutes (or longer!) that’s just for you. It works best if you’re fresh from a relaxing bath or warm shower, but skip this if you're short on time. Apply a vaginal moisturiser or stimulating gel and let it sink in for a few minutes.
This is a great time to listen to some audio erotica. Kneel on your bed and stroke your inner thighs gently. Squatting or kneeling, rather than lying on your back, can introduce a sense of novelty and activate your pelvic area, which might help with arousal.
Speaking of arousal, try running your hands up your body and caress your chest as you slow your breathing and focus on the audio. Cup your vulva and let the warmth of your hand bring your attention to your desire.
Finally, apply water-based lube to your fingers as you circle your clit. Pick out a clitoral vibrator and start on a low setting while you get aroused. Remember, this time is about centring yourself – forget about whether you’re pleasing anyone else.
Let periods go on pause, not pleasure
Why?
For some, menopause is a liberating experience; for others it can be a stressful and disruptive time. Perhaps the hormonal fluctuations have made you hornier than ever. Or you may be so uncomfortable in your body that sex feels like a relic of the past.
Either way, self-pleasure can help you focus on what does feel good and get that much needed release.
Around one in three post-menopausal people experience vaginal dryness, which can make sex painful. A good vaginal moisturiser (alongside any treatment recommended by a clinician) can help – but masturbation also has benefits.
In fact, nearly a third of study participants (28%) said they already masturbate regularly to manage their menopause symptoms! It makes sense: masturbation increases circulation to the vagina and vulva, which can improve tissue health and natural lubrication. Plus, orgasm can relieve stress and pain.
Even if you’re in a relationship, you may find that giving yourself space to masturbate alone can help you reconnect with your own body and desires. Going solo eliminates the pressure to perform and may help re-awaken your interest in sex.
Make it even better
If you’ve got a tried and tested vibrator that stopped working for you during perimenopause, you’re not alone. It might be time to try something new.
On the Lovehoney Forum, one user recalls finding that vibrators were increasingly giving them pins and needles rather than orgasms. “When I realised I was heading into the dreaded menopause, and I had clitoral atrophy it made sense,” they shared. As a result, they turned to clitoral suction and had a much better experience.
The Womanizer Next is one of the most advanced clitoral suction toys available, with 32% of menopausal study participants finding the toy made it easier for them to reach orgasm. The Next has low starting vibrations, which is ideal if you’re feeling sensitive, and an Afterglow setting that allows the intensity to subside gradually after climax.
If your relationship to vaginal stimulation is changing, there’s also the option to try an anal vibrator. A good butt plug or set of anal beads can stimulate the pudendal nerve and clitoral network from with, increasing arousal without the need for vaginal penetration. Pick a slim toy with a flared based and use plenty of lube.
Make it even easier
Try straddling a large pillow if you’re feeling stiff. The pillow can feel like a person between your legs, which helps get into the fantasy! Otherwise, you can sit leaning back against the headboard with your knees raised – or lie on your front and grind against your vibrator.
You might feel awkward listening to audio erotica, but background noise can help drown out your anxious inner voice and help you feel in the moment. If you’re not sure what to listen to, try a ready-made playlist or pick any music genre that lifts your mood.
Make it even kinkier
It’s not all doom and vaginal moisturisers. Menopause can make you feel less inhibited and encourage you to get creative as you find pleasure that works for your changing body.
Don’t be afraid to lean into your kinky side; it can help you experience sensuality and intimacy even while navigating a diminished sex drive. Whether you’re using a feather tickler or wearing a blindfold, kink can simply be about discovering sensations that you like.
Some people like the novelty of a pussy pump, which uses suction to draw blood to the surface of your skin. The look and feel of your vulva engorging can be thrilling, and it might help you feel more lubricated and ready for penetration.
You can lean into the clinical feeling of the pump with a little medical fantasy, too. Whip out a lube applicator to slide a shot of lube straight inside yourself, for a practical and kinky way to prepare for penetration.
