Experts Share Tips For a Sexy Valentine's Day

by Lovehoney

on Jan 28, 2013

Experts Share Tips For a Sexy Valentine's DayIn anticipation of Valentine's Day we asked some of our favorite sex experts to send a little bit of loving advice our way. Being the kind, loving and sexy people they are, they obliged and sent us some quick tips, inspirations and ideas to make things even hotter and sexier this year.

Many thanks to our contirubtors for their thoughtful advice, which may just inspire you to try something new and exciting. Looking for an idea to change up your routine this Valentine's Day? These pros have got some ideas for you, and they don't have to cost a thing! You might even find a way to make some money if you're exhibitionist side comes out.

We'd love for you to share your thoughts and insights in the comments below and join the conversation with us on twitter @lovehoney_com

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you, no matter whether you're single, coupled or in a more complicated situation - you deserve love and sexual happiness!

Rachel Kramer Bussel

Rachel Kramer Bussel"Talking dirty is a way to instantly ratchet up the heat. It can be as simple as telling your partner one small thing you want them to do, vice versa, or a more elaborate fantasy. Don't feel you have to use language that doesn't sound sexy to you; that defeats the purpose. Talking dirty shows you're in the mood, and you will likely notice the change in your partner immediately. Put all thoughts of "real life" out of your mind and just go with wherever your fantasy takes you. Whether that's role-playing or, if you're too nervous to try it in person, start off with phone sex. Ask what they're wearing and doing; tell them what you are, and what you want them to do. The possibilities are endless, and can lead to very hot sex and revelations that will very likely give you insight into how each other's minds work and what you fantasize about."

Cupcake-loving editor of Suite Encounters Hotel Sex Stories, Please Ma'am: Stories of Male Submission and more, Rachel Kramer Bussel.

Cindy Gallop

Cindy Gallop"A supersimple but superhot way to make Valentine's Day supersexy, is to MakeValentinesDayLoveNotPorn. However and whomever you get on down with this Valentine's Day - including yourself! MakeSoloLoveNotPorn! - just whip your cam out, set it recording and forget about it. Have a rollicking #realworldsex good time, then submit the video to, relive and share the fun, and - bonus! - you get half the rental cash it makes! That'll keep you in Lovehoney sex toys and lingerie till Valentine's Day rolls round again. Plus, our MakeLoveNotPornstars tell us that filming their #realworldsex brings them closer together and makes the sex even hotter!"

Advertising consultant, entrepreneur and TED presenter extraordinaire, Cindy Gallop.


Hey Epiphora"Embrace sex toys! Don't be afraid to open the lines of communication with your partner and find a way to incorporate them into your sex life. The more you involve your partner in the process, the more comfortable they will feel about the idea. Browse for a new toy together so that you're both excited about the one you choose. My favorite toy to use during sex is the LELO Mona 2. With its handle, curved head, rumbly vibrations, and range of vibration intensities (it gets pretty strong!), it is the perfect clitoral complement to penetration. In fact, my boyfriend likes the added vibration he feels when I use it. Bonus!"

Sex toy reviewer and connoisseur, Epiphora.

Nenna Joiner

Nenna Joiner"The month of February can create anxiety! Birthdays, Holidays, Anniversaries, and now Valentine's Day. You cannot give similar to previous gifts, and it must be better than the last V-Day else it could be your D-Day. Think ahead starting now: #1) Plan your work off day(s) in advance. Nothing like being anxiety free when dealing with your Sweetie. #2) Make dinner reservations 6-months in advance. It works in your favor to walk into a restaurant and know without a doubt that you have arrangements at an exclusive restaurant. #3) Browse their favorite website, magazine, or book for ideas. Nothing like having gifted well-known to unique gifts. #4) Make arrangements for a personal driver. Valentine's is about not forgetting and being attentive in the moment. Make proper use of your time and keep the attention where it needs to be…On your Heart! Enjoy the day."

Owner of Feelmore 510 AVN Best Boutique 2013, Nenna Joiner.

Jean-Luc Gothos

Jean Luc Gothos"For me love is all about simply accepting that person for who they are in that moment. Honest Communication is the most important action that a couple, triad, or Poly Family can do. More importantly being able to accept and love yourself is the core of being able to love others and is vital to being in a successful and fulfilling relationship. Because your first love should be you, yourself and everything that makes you who you are as a person. Once you have been honest with yourself, and by honest I mean unfiltered, uncensored and brutally honest with yourself, then you can take that and build a foundation of love that will be pure and life changing for both yourself and your partners."

Founder of, Jean-Luc Gothos

Charlie Glickman, PhD

Charlie Glickman"Valentine's Day can be a great time to surprise someone special with a sexy gift, but sometimes, that doesn't work out quite the way you expected it to. If your sweetie has said they'd like to try a vibrator or anal play or dirty talk or any other sexual adventure, go for it. But if they've never even mentioned it or hinted at it, your odds are better if you lay a little groundwork first. Look through a sex toy website together and bookmark the goodies that get a smile. Or ask them to send you links to toys they'd like to try. Or say something like, " I was reading an article/website/blog about [erotic massage/using vibrators during sex/cock rings/fill in the blank] and it sounded fun. Want to try it?" Then give them the article to read for themselves. While it might seem more romantic to surprise them, you'll have a better sense of their comfort zone and that makes for better sex. Picking something out together can make new sexual adventures even more fun. Some folks even consider that part of the foreplay!"

AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, Charlie Glickman, PhD

Yolanda Shoshana

Yolanda Shoshana is a Courtesan Coach, Clairvoyant, and Seduction Alchemist"My advice for making Valentine’s Day (and any day) more meaningful is to add elements of tantra to your foreplay and lovemaking. Take the time to simply slow down whether you are making love to yourself or someone else. Tantra means to expand, weave, and manifest. By incorporating it into your life you can become more complete due to it awakening your senses therefore boosting your sexuality. Pick up a copy of the Kama Sutra. Within the pages are tantric practices such as how to bath before meeting your lover, rituals of erotic foreplay, and other delicious tips to acquire in the art of seduction. When you are ready to get into the act of sex, there are many positions that are suggested that offer a spiritual connection with your partner. Tantra could be the key ingredient to a more fulfilling sex life."

Courtesan Coach, Seduction Alchemist, and Clairvoyant, Yolanda Shoshana

True Pleasures

True Pleasures"Presents are wonderful, and there's a certain expectation for them on Valentine's Day, but they're not the focus in my relationship. Touch is one of the most basic ways we can share love, and one of the most powerful. A little quiet time to just be, feel, and experience each other is something my partner and I highly prize. Do a little research on massage techniques, pick out oil or a massage candle in a scent your partner would love, and clear at least a few hours, if not the whole night. Spend that time drawing near to each other, creating peace and a deeper love. The oxytocin that our bodies create during these times is one hell of a drug. Warm fuzzies… Embrace, snuggle, and don’t just wait for a day like Valentine’s Day to make you feel obligated. Give freely, and give often. That’s what love is about."

Your Guide to Safe and Body-Friendly Adult Products, True Pleasures

Shanna Katz, M.Ed

Shanna Katz"Don't put too much pressure on making Valentine's Day the traditionally romantic way with rose pedals, candles and chocolates. Rather, plan a fun date (on Valentine's Day itself, or not; whichever works best) that brings out your fun memories of each other. Spend some time at the zoo, go mini golfing, or check out an outdoor ice rink together. Sharing passions you've already experienced together can remind you of what you love about each other, and that can ignite each other's fires more than un-personal and obligatory heart shaped boxes of chocolate. What could be sexier than rekindling your love for your love?"

Educator and author of Oral Sex That'll Blow Her Mind and She and Her: Lesbian Sex Positions, Shanna Katz, M.Ed

Jamye Waxman, M.Ed.

Jayme Waxman"A quick and dirty way to make Valentines Day even sexier this year is to use what you have around the house, but in ways you've never used these things before. In whipping up some fun, grab a few of his (or her) neck ties and use them to experiment with bondage. A silicone spatula can work for "tough" love and a pastry brush can produce a good tickle. Do it on a counter top or kitchen table as a substitute for the bed. Also from the kitchen, ice adds an extra chilly thrill to oral, or nipple play. A warm tea bag traipsed across the body can also leave you with a good chill. And a banana peel makes for an interesting masturbation sleeve.

Of course honey for a blowjob, chocolate sauce for body drizzle (just say no to sugar in the vagina) and coconut oil for lube and massage are other great kitchen sex supplies. If you use what you've got, you'll never look at these things the same way again, which may trigger your love for your partner all year round."

Sex Educator, Speaker, Author, Director, Jamye Waxman, M.Ed

Hernando Chaves M.F.T., D.H.S.

Dr Chaves"I challenge men to explore the world of using sex toys with their partner. For many guys, the thought of using a vibrator on their female partner can be filled with worries and anxieties. This holiday, leave your insecurities at the bedroom door, step outside your comfort zone, and see what it’s like to use a vibrator on your partner’s clitoris during sex. What’s the worst that could happen, a powerful orgasm? There’s no need to feel competitive or inferior to a battery operated toy. A vibrator can’t cuddle, communicate, or take your place in a relationship. A vibrator, such as a WeVibe, can enhance a sexual relationship by adding more stimulation for arousal. The best lovers are open-minded, creative, excellent communicators, and pleasure-focused, using a vibrator can be just the tool to help you go from being a decent lover to an incredible one."

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Doctor of Human Sexuality, Hernando Chaves

Airial Clark - The Sex Positive Parent

Airial Clark"Parents, especially single parents, do not under estimate the erotic potential of a good sexting session. You can spell out your desires in quick text blasts letting your partner know what devious deeds are on your mind without curious ears listening in. It's easy to get caught up in Valentine's Day 'must haves' but really, all you need is your phone and willing partner. Start the naughty messages (maybe even a sexy pic) up at work, keep the back and forth going during your commute and then bring it all home. Don't worry about being a romance novelist, just be honest."

The Sex-Positive Parent, Airial Clark MA

Sunny Megatron

Sunny Magatron"Want to try something a little kinky but aren’t sure how to introduce it to your partner? Valentine's Day gives you the perfect excuse to experiment. Wear a wig and costume to try out sexual roleplay. If you’ve been itching to get your 50 Shades on, suggest a little spanking, bondage, or sensual sensation play.

If you're uneasy about giving suggestions to your partner like, a little to the left, not so hard, or please use your hands a bit more, try a student and teacher style session where you take turns directing each other on sex techniques. This scenario is the perfect way to breathe a little fresh air into your bedroom routine. It will also foster sexual communication without making you feel like you’re being critical of each other’s skills.

Start the evening out saying something such as, “Since it's Valentine's Day, I thought maybe we’d try something kind of sexy, silly, and different-- what do you think?” If you partner is game, your V-day play may just help you break out of a sexual rut and add a few hot tricks to your sexytime repertoire."

Pleasure advocate, sex blogger, sexpert and adult sexuality educator, Sunny Megatron

Twanna A. Hines

Twanna A Hines"Valentine's Day can feel like watching a Carnival of Couples who kiss, hug, and flaunt their partnerships. However, we often forget the most important relationship we have is with ourselves. Treat yourself to a tantric massage. Buy a new sex toy. Read the latest how-to book about masturbation because healthy sexuality is essential, whether you're in a relationship or not."

Founder of FUNKY BROWN CHICK®, award-winning American sex educator, sex writer, and media commentator, Twanna A. Hines

Crash Pad's Radical Lovers

Crash Pad Radical Lovers"We asked performers Bianca Stone, Kitty Stryker, and Valentine for DIY V-Day ideas. Bianca's organizing a Cuddle Party as an alternative to Valentine's Day for those outside of traditional couplehood. Cheers for alternative visions of love! Kitty says, "With restaurants always booked-up and crowded on Valentine's Day, instead have an indulgent picnic in bed feeding each other your favourite finger foods. Put down a tablecloth so if things get messy you can just roll it up for washing later and get to the fun business of cleaning up the mess with your tongue followed by a steamy, soapy shower together." Valentine suggests you conjure your inner porn star: "Plan something new and creative; do a photoshoot together or for one another, or take a sex ed class." However you choose to spend your day on February 14th, may you honor yourself with the love you deserve!"

The queer porn site showing the complexities of sexual desire, Crash Pad Series

Mona Darling

Mona Darling"Screw flowers and chocolates. Send her out to get a mani/pedi. While she's gone, clean the house, fold the laundry, do the dishes, sweep the floors. You will get laid like you have never been laid before when she gets home. I promise.

After you have the house ready, get yourself ready by stripping down, sitting someplace where she can ride you without ruining her freshly painted nails, and put on your favorite cockring. If you've never tried one - this Beginners Basic Chunky Waterproof Vibrating Cock Ring is a good place to start, or if you are ready for more of an investment, the Lux LX4 Rechargeable Silicone Vibrating Cock Ring may indeed change your life."

Dominatrix Mommy-Blogger, Mona Darling - Dead Cow Girl


Written by Lovehoney. For collaborative posts between Lovehoney team members and guest authors
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Originally published on Jan 28, 2013. Updated on Aug 5, 2020