Better Sex as You Age: Sex and intimacy for Older People

by Violet

on Jul 4, 2022

Getting older doesn’t mean you have to give up on sex – far from it. While aging may throw a few new challenges your way, having a healthy, fulfilling sex life is totally obtainable, no matter how old you are.


In this blog we look at a few of the ways you can future-proof your sex life, enhance sensations, and really bond with your lover.

The Power Of Sex Toys

As we age, our libidos have the tendency to reduce or disappear completely. While there is nothing inherently wrong with this, being sexual with your partner is a wonderful expression of intimacy which can really strengthen your bond. Sex toys are a great way to bring excitement back into your sex life.

Not only can sex toys add a touch of newness to your usual routine, but the intense levels of stimulation are perfect for declining libidos. Because, let's face it, while a cheeky whisper in the ear may have been enough to get you going in the past, these days you may need a little more stimulation. Below are a few sex toy categories you may want to explore:

Wand Vibrators

If you’re new to sex toys, we recommend starting with something like our Mini Wand Vibrator. This small-but-mighty sex aid is non-intimidating and designed to stimulate all your external hot spots with skin-tingling vibrations. Try gently holding it against your lover’s clitoris or perineum to get the party started.

Recommended wand vibrator

Lovehoney Deluxe Rechargeable Mini Metallic Massage Wand Vibrator

Good things come in small packages, and this mini version of our full-size wand is no exception. Proving that size doesn’t matter, this metallic massager features a smooth silicone head and 7 thrilling vibration patterns, each with 10 intensity levels.

What customers say: "I've used bullets before but this was my first wand and felt less intimidating than the mains powered ones. I used it on my partner which he enjoyed and he then used it on my whilst we had sex and it was amazing. Probably the best orgasm of my life, would definitely recommend!"

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Sex can be uncomfortable for post-menopausal vulva owners. One of the reasons for this is vaginal canal narrowing, which is caused by a lack of estrogen. To help combat this we suggest investing in a dilator set. These smooth silicone dilators help train your vagina to become accustomed to penetration, which should reduce tightness and pain over time.

Recommended Dilator Set

Lovehoney Health Silicone Dilator Set

Introduce your body to penetration with this set of sleek silicone dilators. Slowly increasing in diameter from 15mm to 35mm, they're a progressive way to ease your body into internal play and may help reduce discomfort during intercourse with a partner. Each dilator is made from a rigid shaft and a large looped handle that gives you complete control over the angle and depth of penetration. They're entirely covered in PU-coated silicone for a smooth, slick insertion that suits you.

What customers say: "Best dilators I have found! After being married almost 4 years with the help of these dilators I am finally able to have sex. My husband and I are finally able to enjoy our sex life."

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Cock Rings

Another sex toy you may want to investigate is a cock ring. Usually made from soft, squishy plastic, these clever little rings are designed to sit at the base of the penis, causing gentle constriction and preventing the backflow of blood. While that may sound a little scary, they are perfectly safe. Cock rings are known to help improve erection strength, size and stamina – perfect for anyone who struggles to maintain an erection.

Recommended Cock Rings

Why Lube is Essential

No matter if you’ve just started your sexual escapades or have been round the block a few times, lube should be part of your sexual activity. And for most post-menopausal vulva owners it’s essential.

As we age, our natural lubrication production tends to slow down and, as a result, sex can feel less comfortable, or even painful. That’s why having a handy bottle of lube next to your bed is a must for lovers who remember rotary telephones. A bottle of water-based lube is probably your best option, as this formula washes off easily, won’t stain your sheets, and can be used with a wide range of sex toys.

While lube is a fantastic tool to have in your collection, it also pays to spell things out to your partner. Whether you’ve been together for a long time, or have just started having fun together, be up front with your lover and tell them you need a little bit of extra time to warm up before penetration. You could also suggest some oral play to get things started – not only is this sure to get your motor running, but saliva is a great natural lubricant.

Recommended Lubricant

Lovehoney Enjoy Water-Based Lubricant 8.5 fl oz

Versatile and silky smooth, Enjoy is the perfect water-based lubricant for enhanced glide during intimate play. A little squeeze is all you need for extra slippery and long-lasting pleasure to solo or intimate play with a sex toy or with a partner.

What customers say: "Super slick & doesn't get overly sticky like a lot of others. Love having the pump! So convenient on the nightstand & lasts a long time"

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Mobility Aids in the Bedroom

It’s more than just your genitals that can change your sexual needs as you age. Other body parts, too, may require some extra attention to help you enjoy a pain-free and fulfilling sex life. Aching joints, trick knees, and dodgy hips can all make it a bit more difficult to engage in sexual intimacy. Sex furniture and positioning aids can help you solve mobility issues, and provide opportunities for more creative sexual positioning. Through body support and ergonomically designed angles that help you reach all the right spots, sex positioners are a real game changer for bedroom antics, no matter your age.

Sex pillows like the Lovehoney Elevate Sex Position Enhancer Wedge are one of the most popular types of positioning aids and are perfect for beginners.

Other options to boost your mobility in the bedroom include using a position enhancer, like this Bondage Boutique one. While it may look rather extreme, the thick nylon straps are a great way to help the wearer lift their legs above their hips for longer stretches of time.

Recommended Positioning Aids

Don’t Forget About Romance

All this talk of position enhancers, cock rings and lube won’t do anything for your sex life if the mood isn’t right. After all, arousal starts in the mind – our brains are our most powerful sex organs.

If your sex life with your long-term partner has slowed down over the years, it may be time to up the romance and add a little sensuality to your everyday lives. This could include taking the time to give each other long luxurious back rubs, taking saucy showers together, or simply flirting with each other throughout the day.

Try sexting your lover while they’re out of the house, spelling out how attractive you find them and all the wonderful things you want to do to them when they get back. Not only will this make them feel desirable, but it could help to build up the sexual anticipation for when they return. Once you two are finally able to turn those sexy text promises into actions, things are bound to be extra steamy.

Recommended Romance Enhancers


Written by Violet. Lovehoney Editorial Team
Violet joined Lovehoney's writing team in 2019 as our lingerie aficionado.
Violet is also an avid sex toy collector and co-host of The Sexual Happiness Podcast

Originally published on Jul 4, 2022. Updated on Jul 1, 2022