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The Starfish Sex Position: Here’s how it’s done
on Jun 11, 2025
Here’s the tea: you can spice things up in the bedroom without twisting yourselves into pretzels. The Starfish is a comfy, feel-good sex position, particularly if one of you prefers shallow penetration – or the giver has a larger than average penis! So, lie on your back with your legs spread and let your partner take the lead, or vice versa; it’s perfect for relaxed, sensual play.
Read on to find out what the Starfish sex position is, and which variations might make it work for you. Get tips on making this position even more seductive and pleasurable, too.
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How to do the Starfish sex position
Before you begin, slather some lube onto the giver’s penis or sex toy. “Lube is essential,” says Jessica O’Reilly, PhD (aka Dr. Jess), a relationship expert and sexologist. Any natural wetness you get from the vulva can dry up, even if you get really aroused during foreplay. Lube keeps things smooth and pleasurable for even longer, especially when you’re trying new angles, explains Dr. Jess.
To get into the Starfish sex position, the penetrating partner will lie back with their arms and legs spread like a starfish – hence the name. The receiver slides onto the penis or strap-on, facing their partner (think: Cowgirl position but with your knees bent in a squat). Then, the receiver leans slowly backwards until they’re lying flat or propped up on their elbows.
Expert advice: If you’re playing with a strap-on, opt for soft, flexible dildo that allows the giver to comfortably lean back. And be prepared to make some tweaks to find the perfect angle!
Either way, you won’t have loads of leverage for thrusting, so try wiggling your hips slowly and find the motion that works for you both. “You can hold hands or intertwine your legs (the upper partner can slide one leg under the lower partner’s leg) to get closer,” says Dr. Jess.
Toys to enhance the Starfish
Why you should try the Starfish
There are plenty of popular sex positions you could try – and a lot of them will be easier than the Starfish! So why give this one a go? Here are all the benefits of this laidback position:
- Different sensations. “This one can be novel and challenging, which can help to stave off boredom,” says Dr. Jess. Trying new things can keep your love life exciting and may even deepen your emotional connection with a partner as you explore your desires together.
- Shallow penetration. Leaning away from each other keeps penetration shallow, which might be better for receivers who find deep penetration uncomfortable. If the giver’s penis isn’t long enough for you to lean all the way back, you could try The Spider instead (more on that below).
- G-spot stimulation. Penetration is shallow, but this is one of the best positions to hit your G-spot (or P-spot, if the receiver has a prostate). Plus, you’ve got plenty of space to masturbate while receiving. Dr. Jess recommends using your hands or a sex toy to stimulate the clitoris.
- Low effort. You don’t have to do acrobatics to have good sex! If you can get the angle right, the Starfish provides plenty of sexual pleasure with low effort.
- Better accessibility. If you or your partner experiences fatigue, has joint pain, or limited mobility, the Starfish sex position can be a great one to try. You can use pillows or a sex position wedge for more support.
- Less intense eye contact. Ideal if you get shy on top or want to lie back and daydream.
- Kinky but calm. The Starfish keeps things calm and respectful during for soft Dom/sub play. The open, receptive pose naturally puts the receiving partner in a more submissive role, while encouraging the give to take control through gentle movements, guided touch, or light straight. Perfect for couples who want to explore the softer edges of kink.
And FYI: the Starfish sex position is not the same as “starfishing.” According to Dr. Jess, “starfishing” simply refers to lying on your back in a very passive way. If you find that your partner is “just starfishing,” take a breather and ask them if they’re okay and if they want to have sex. If they do want to continue, ask them to be vocal or move their body to be more passionate.
Remember, sex isn’t one-sided. Always look out for signs that your partner is having a good time – and don’t be afraid to ask them directly!
How to enhance the Starfish
The Starfish doesn’t require much effort from either partner, but that doesn’t mean it has to be basic. Below are a few creative ways to make this position feel even better:
Use a pillow
Place a pillow or sex wedge under the receiving partner’s hips and see how it feels. This small adjustment can create a better alignment or a deeper angle for more targeted stimulation. It might also make the position more accessible for different body types.
Try a magic wand
Grab a wand vibrator and use it to tease your lover (or yourself). Wands are magic for a lot of reasons, but not least because they have a long handle. In this position, that means you can reach yours or your partner’s sweet spots without sitting up. Plus you can use it on any external body part – be it clitoris, scrotum, nipples or otherwise! Try slow, circular motions for edging and teasing.
If you’d rather climax fast (and have a vulva) – grab a clitoral suction toy instead. Press it against the clitoris and experience the delicious pulsing air waves as your lover takes care of your G-spot.
Explore sensory play
Since the Starfish doesn't require much movement, you can take things up a notch with sensory play. Try slowly tracing along your thighs, nipples, and belly either from your partner’s or your own hands. And don’t hesitate to bring in some massage oil or a feather tickler for a full body-tingling sensation.
Try a cock ring
There are more hands-free ways to bring extra pleasure to your play time, too.
“For these more advanced positions, I’d recommend cock rings like the We-Vibe Pivot or Romp Juke,” says Dr. Jess. Cock rings bring vibrations to your sweet spots without you having to hold them in place, making the Starfish even more relaxed and low effort.
Both the Pivot and the Juke send “powerful, deep rumbly sensations” right down the shaft of your penis or sex toy. They each work well for clitoral stimulation (perfect when combined with the Missionary position) but the Juke’s unique shape can also be used to stimulate the wearer’s perineum if you just rotate it.
Experiment with restraint
We told you it could get kinky! The Starfish easily allows restraint play with handcuffs, silk ties, or ropes. But whenever you enjoy sex positions with handcuffs, you need to know how to play safely. Make sure you know how to quickly and calmly remove restraints if the submissive partner wants to stop or loses feeling in their fingers. And be sure to chat boundaries and agree on a safeword before you begin.
3 Starfish variations to try
Good news: there are multiple ways to do the Starfish position. You may have to try a few to find the one that’s right for you and your partner, but that’s all a part of the fun, right? Check out these variations:
The Spider
Sit down and lean back on your hands, with your knees bent. Your partner should sit between your legs, hooking their knees over your hips – kind of like a seated hug. With this variation on Starfish, you get to maintain eye contact but can still lean back for that shallow penetration.
It’s still pretty lazy but allows for more movement and grinding than the traditional Starfish position.
This one will be much easier for stap-on play, tribbing, or scissoring, too.
Backdoor Starfish
If you’re doing anal sex, you can definitely try the Starfish – but it’s best for more experienced receivers, since you won’t have as much control over the depth and angle of penetration. Give yourself a little leverage by keeping the knees bent – and always use plenty of anal lube!
Anal sex beginner? Try Doggy or Missionary first and get used to the sensations before you work your way up to the Backdoor Starfish.
Doggy will keep you nice and open for easy entry while Missionary offers a lot of face-to-face communication.
Criss-cross Starfish
The classic Starfish doesn’t work for everyone – you might want more movement or deeper penetration. With this variation, you slightly change the leg position to give yourself a bit more leverage.
This time, the penetrating partner goes on top, straddling one of their lover’s legs. The other leg goes over the penetrating partner’s shoulder or hip, so the legs are more intertwined.
The penetrating partner can lean forwards onto one knee, or backwards into one of their hands.
In this semi-kneeling position, the giver has a bit more power to thrust their hips, meaning you can enjoy a more energetic and satisfying position (if that’s what you’re looking for). You also get a better view of each other and can reach out to caress the cheek or chest for extra passion.
For more position inspiration, check out our Position of the Week.
Switch it up with the Starfish
Whether you’re a fan of lazy sex or just want something that doesn’t leave you soaked in sweat, the Starfish position is here to deliver. It’s an intimate, supportive, and easily adaptable position for different body types, toys, and kink play. Next time you and your partner are in the mood, give the Starfish sex position a go.
